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To: StocksDATsoar who wrote (117367)	7/28/2003 9:12:14 PM
From: StockDung	Respond to of 150070

WWWWWHHHHHHHHHAAAATTTTT!! Congress raises speed limit to 200 m.p.h. By Tommy Link Washington D.C.- Denying that they are catering to over-priced doctors and the automotive industry, Congress and the President announced today that they have raised interstate speed limits to 200 mph. Beltway insiders believe the bill was passed because it's supporters were blackmailed, and that doctors endorsing the law are actually the bastard daughter and sons of the politicians who support the law. When this reporter asked if these allegation were true, I was nearly bludgeoned to death by a large group of fascist interns. During a press conference former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, present for the press event because he was "in the neighborhood", said "I just think that a car ride should end faster than marriages, no what I mean was ......... aw hell, screw all of you, at least I can safely fly at the expense of tax payers!" He then bolted at the podium and headed at the helo pad outside the capitol. Constructions crews across the country will re-vamp roads, so that on-ramps will feature drag strip lights. The first 50 feet will be used for burnouts, whereby the tires are spun making the rubber good and sticky. This extra adhesion is needed for the 0-200 m.p.h. These cars can achieved in less than 10 seconds. Announcers will have booths nearby bellowing who got the best " hole shot" A term used in racing to claim who left the starting line the quickest. At off-ramps dragsters will deploy parachutes, but if they fail, Navy surplus F-14 Tomcat tail hooks (used for aircraft carrier landings) can be released. These hooks can catch one of the five cables strung across the road. "Slug traps" as officials are calling them, will be hazardous. State and local police will stake out positions nearby and fire shoulder-launched missiles at slow moving traffic to clean the lanes for the new super cars. Officials are giving warning to drivers that they will ticket those who rubberneck at the sight of crispy torsos hanging out of burning wreckage. Congress meanwhile, is urging all drivers to "beef up" their own vehicles. Billy Joe Feldman of Knoxville, Tennessee waited until 12:00 a.m. today for the law to go into effect. Although he recently totaled his pickup truck. he claimed, "with that solid rocket booster I welded to her (the truck) I ain't never had such a kick-ass ride, except maybe that time I jumped on a mule deer naked". Speed freaks across the nations are exultant, expecting the new law should finally allow them to satisfy their urge to drive according to their deepest primal impulses. The medical community knows this law will be such a smash hit with drivers that hospitals are now beginning to set up emergency care stations at existing rest area s along interstates. "Treatment will vary" said Dr. Earhardt Gentner, a physician at INOVA Hospital. "The rich people will get five star treatment such as catscan, neurosurgery, real top of the line service... and the poor, on the other hand will get a little bottle of bactine and some leeches". All is not fair with this law, but a positive point can be found; at least in-car cell phone use will decreased. Doctors have suggested, how-ever, that before venturing out onto our interstates, cell phone should dial 911 and leave the line open. washingtontoast.com

To: StocksDATsoar who wrote (117367)	7/28/2003 9:12:41 PM
From: SSP	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 150070

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To: StocksDATsoar who wrote (117367)	7/28/2003 11:09:13 PM
From: StockDung	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 150070

Cash, condom, Viagra found in Uday's briefcase Investigators sift wreckage of house where Husseins died Monday, July 28, 2003 Posted: 7:04 PM EDT (2304 GMT) WASHINGTON (CNN) -- U.S. troops sifting through the wreckage of the house in Mosul where Saddam Hussein's two sons were killed found Uday Hussein's briefcase, which contained $400,000 in U.S. currency and 30 million Iraqi dinars, or about $21,400. Uday's briefcase also contained Viagra, a condom, packaged underwear, shirts, cologne and a "tacky tie," according to a government source familiar with the inventory. Uday and his brother, Qusay, were killed July 21 during a six-hour gunbattle with U.S. troops in the northern Iraqi city. (Profiles: Qusay Hussein, Uday Hussein) The Pentagon allowed photographs and videotapes of their bodies to be released last week to convince Iraqis that the two were dead. It was also hoped that convincing proof of their deaths would end attacks on U.S. troops by Saddam supporters and possibly lead to more tips on former Iraqi officials, including Saddam. However, one American soldier was killed and three wounded in an attack Monday in central Baghdad, U.S. military officials said. (Full story) The attack was the latest of the almost daily guerrilla strikes against U.S. soldiers. Since President Bush declared major combat over May 1, 49 U.S. troops have been killed through hostile action. A total of 247 U.S. troops have been killed since the Iraq war began in March. The informant who led U.S. troops to the house where the Hussein brothers were hiding in Mosul is expected to collect a $30 million reward -- $15 million for each brother -- from the U.S. government. (Map) The bounty on Saddam's head is $25 million. Qusay and Uday were the second and third most-wanted Iraqi leaders, and both are in the card deck of most-wanted Iraqis issued to U.S. troops in Iraq. Uday was the ace of hearts and Qusay the ace of clubs. (Flash interactive:Iraq's most-wanted) A government official told CNN that the Bush administration is still cautious about how close U.S. forces might be to capturing or killing the ousted Iraqi president. Soldiers from the 4th Infantry Division searched three homes in Saddam's hometown of Tikrit on Monday and found a large arms and ammunition cache. Saddam is changing his location every two to four hours, officials said. DNA samples will be taken from three farmhouses U.S. troops raided Sunday in Tikrit to determine whether Saddam had been there, they said. Neighbors reportedly told 4th Division soldiers that Saddam's security chief had been in the area shortly before the farmhouse raids. No casualties were reported on either side, officials said. CNN Pentagon correspondent Barbara Starr contributed to this report.