Ya gotta love the binaryists
You are trying to join our other academic in claiming a moral virtue for your inability to make up your mind. Reminds me of "George Washington crossing the Delaware." by Stan Freberg
Scene Ten: Washington Crosses the Delaware
Narrator: December, 1776, on the banks of the Delaware. Cruel winds whistle through the threadbare clothing of the 8,000 man American Army. All too aware of General Howe?s powerful across the icy waters, they await the decision of their leader, General George Washington. For he, and he alone, can make the choice upon which hinges the destiny of their infant nation.
George Washington: Alright, then. How much do you want for the boat that says Popeye on it?
Boatman: A buck-twenty an hour.
George Washington: Uh huh. Well, what about the one that says Donald Duck on it?
Boatman: Huh?
George Washington: The one with the little striped awning there?
Boatman: Oh, yeah, well?That boat right there?
George Washington: That boat right there.
Boatman: That boat right there.
George Washington: That?s the boat.
Boatman: It?ll run you two bucks an hour.
George Washington: What? That?s an outrage! It?s December-it?s your off season! How many customers can you get this time of year?
Boatman: Look fella, you run the army, and let me run the boat rental, okay?
George Washington: Alright, don?t get smart with me-I?m General Washington.
Boatman: I know who you are. I?ve seen your picture on the money. And I wish you?d make up your mind! The boat rides are closing.
George Washington: Well, let?s review them once again here. Popeye was a buck-twenty an hour?
Boatman: That?s right, a buck-twenty an hour, that?s right?
George Washington: And the one with the striped awning-
Boatman: Donald Duck?
Lieutenant: Uh, General Washington, sir.
George Washington: Yes? What is it?
Lieutenant: The men are freezing.
George Washington: So?
Lieutenant: So, we were wondering if you could come to some decision on the boat.
George Washington: Yeah? You think they?ve got problems? I just had my wig set this morning, and this damp air isn?t doing it any good. Look at it-straight as a stick.
Lieutenant: Well, it looks just fine to me, sir.
George Washington: Really?
Lieutenant: Yes, yes.
George Washington: Think it looks alright?
Boatman: Listen! You gonna rent a boat tonight or not? I?d like to freeze my ears off!
George Washington: Alright! Don?t rush me!
Lieutenant: If we could make a decision on the boat, sir-it?ll soon be daylight.
George Washington: Well, let it be daylight. We?re liable to tip over out there at night.
Lieutenant: Yes, well, there was the element of surprise in the whole thing, don?t you see, sir?
George Washington: Oh. Well, alright. You could get the men loaded in the other boats, get that out of the way.
Lieutenant: They are in the other boats, sir. They have been for hours. Now if we could just come to some?
George Washington: Alright, alright! Hold your horses!
Lieutenant: We-we ate the horses yesterday, sir.
George Washington: Oh, yeah. Well, I?ll be with you in?.
Boatman: Did you really eat the horses yesterday?
George Washington: I didn?t. They did. Heh, heh. Enlisted men?Now I got it narrowed down to two here. Popeye has these dear little seats in it-
Lieutenant: Yes, yes.
George Washington: That?s a buck-twenty.
Lieutenant: Uh, huh.
George Washington: See? And Donald Duck has the striped awning.
Lieutenant: I see.
George Washington: It?s two dollars. Now, I?ll leave it up to you, lieutenant, doesn?t that strike you as a little high?
Lieutenant: Well, I don?t know, sir. Perhaps a bit, but it?
George Washington: Alright, see there? Hah! Now what would you say to a buck-seventy five for Donald Duck?
Boatman: Two dollars an hour. Not a penny less!
George Washington: Say, what are you trying to do? Gouge a serviceman?
Boatman: Hah! I might ask what are you army guys trying to do, stifle a small businessman?
George Washington: Ah, that?s ridiculous.
Boatman: It?s not ridiculous.
George Washington: Alright, then, kick the end of Donald Duck around there and let me see it.
Boatman: I can?t! My feet are frozen! Look, mister, why don?t you take the one called Popeye, you?ll be happy with that boat. The price is right-a buck-twenty an hour!
George Washington: Well, Idon?t know. You like it, lieutenant?
Lieutenant: She?s a beaut, sir. Besides, were only renting it for the one night.
George Washington: But you really like it better than the one with the awning?
Lieutenant: You wouldn?t want the one with the awning, sir. Once you got into it, you?d hate it! Honestly, take the other one.
George Washington: You think it?s really me?
Lieutenant: On my word, sir, it?s you!
George Washington: But I just don?t know about the color.
Lieutenant: The color is fine! Black is a great color-it sets off your wig!
George Washington: Really?
Lieutenant: Yes!
George Washington: Alright. Popeye it is.
Boatman: Whooo, I?ll tell ya, boy, I seen some customers, but this guy?s a loo-loo.
George Washington: Now, we got everything? The flag?
Lieutenant: Right, sir.
George Washington: The ukelele?
Lieutenant: Yes, sir.
George Washington: The-uh-the sandwiches?
Lieutenant: The boatman has some right here, sir.
George Washington: Oh! What kind you got there?
Boatman: Uh, well, I-uh-I got ham and swiss, liverwurst, starra, tuna salad.
George Washington: Well, let me see. Is the tuna salad good today?
Boatman: It?s you, it?s you!
George Washington: Alright, how much?
Boatman: Twenty-five cents.
George Washington: What? Twenty-five cents for a tuna salad sandwich?
Boatman: Here! Take it with my blessings!
George Washington: Well, I?
Boatman: Take a liverwurst, too! Enjoy, enjoy!
Narrator: And so the Delaware was crossed. Thus was begun one of the most glorious pages in American history.
George Washington: Imagine that guy wanting twenty-five cents for a lousy tuna-whoops, watch where you?re rowing! I like that little boat I picked up right here, called Popeye. |
