To: Constant Reader who wrote (71381 ) 8/3/2003 2:42:07 PM From: Rambi Respond to of 82486 Hi CR! I am a none of the above too, since there are so many things that I have never considered, and I am not exactly sure what the gay community itself is asking. It seems to me that much of the objections raised so far have been thinly veiled yuck factors though, or a fear of change, or a protection of traditions that I don't think is necessarily misplaced, but needs to be examined. There is one benefit that could get confused with the religious one (but that I believe is different) and it may be the one CH doesn't want to grant to easily. Marriage is a special commitment to society and to each other. It grants a certain gravitas to a union. It elevates it, gives a relationship a social legitimacy. I can't speak for gays, certainly, but, maybe they are saying we want the acknowledgment that we can make this responsible commitment to a partner. Living together is not the same thing. I don't see any reason to deny any two adults this privilege at this moment. However, I am still processing. I thank you for the great summary of the different legal aspects. I hadn't realized that some of those were already in effect. Oh-- I'm not sure what the custody cases have to do with being gay or straight actually--In both of them, I believe that the ones who have been functioning as the parent should retain custody. In the case of a sperm donor, I see no reason he has any rights at all- whether he donated to gays or straights. Sperm donors should give up any rights just as someone putting a child up for adoption should. And in the second case, if the natural father has been actively parenting and has never relinquished parental rights, then he has a good case for custody. Mostly , I come down on the side of the one who has been the true parent. Biological claims lose a lot of their weight when you work in the system for a while. You know, a long time ago on Feelies, several of us had a discussion on marriage and its survival. There were a lot of interesting options presented. Someone pointed out that the person you lust after at 18 may not be the person you want to raise your children, and the person who is a great parent may not be the person you want to spend the last 30 years with... we expect an awful lot of people when we ask them to commit for as much as 75 years to one person. In olden times, this wasn't quite as huge a demand. Maybe we ask too much. Maybe there are a lot of things that should be examined. Redefining terms is always scary. Change is scary.