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Politics : Sharks in the Septic Tank -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rambi who wrote (75574)	9/25/2003 9:00:44 PM
From: The Philosopher	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 82486

If it were just the bride's family who were affected, you're right, they are free to make that choice. But one assumes that the groom's family wasn't alerted at all to the, uh, unconventional views of Aunt K, or consulted as to whether she should be invited to the second wedding she has ever attended as a guest. Perhaps a significant share of the responsibility (I initially typed blame, but deleted it since I don't think blame is the right concept here) rests with the bride's family not making things clear to the groom's family up front, and asking how important it was to them that the wedding fit the full social norms, or whether they were willing to be flexible about Aunt K's eccentricities. Whatever, I don't think it was fair, frankly, to face the groom's mother with this situation on the spot, as it were, when she had presumably (as mothers of the bride and groom do) spent many months planning and waiting for this special day and done all in her power to try to make it perfect and then find that this, uh, apparition appears to put a serious dent in all her Emily Post perfection.

To: Rambi who wrote (75574)	9/25/2003 9:07:45 PM
From: epicure	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 82486

After all, when you dress in a manner not "appropriate" you aren't actually doing anything to anyone else, not really. You aren't implying anything about others, it's more personal, and it's more about you. When you ACT in a weird or impolite manner, to others, you may actually be doing something to other people (spitting on them, stepping on them, being assaultive, screaming in their ears, whatever)- but just being different, on your own, doesn't really affect anyone else, imo, except insofar as other people choose to react. I see a big difference in actions that affect others, and personal choices that are idiosyncratic, but really very personal choices, that mostly just reflect and affect you.