BROADCAST TRANSCRIPT for “REAL TIME WITH BILL MAHER”
safesearching.com
September 5, 2003
Gen. WESLEY CLARK (Ret.)
D. L. HUGHLEY
BILL KRISTOL
WOLF BLITZER
AL FRANKEN
(via satellite)
All “Real Time with Bill Maher” transcripts are prepared immediately following the initial HBO broadcast. Due to the speed with which these transcripts are prepared, complete accuracy cannot be guaranteed.
[OPENING CREDITS]
[applause/cheers]
BILL MAHER: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. All right. Okay. Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you. I love those standing ovations, but, you know, they stand for Haley Joel Osment in TV these days. [laughter]
But I know why you’re excited. The football season started last night, and they kicked it—[applause]—yeah, did you see that? They kicked it off with a big concert on the National Mall in Washington. First time they ever did that. And then at the end, Bush came on the big jumbo screen and said, “Are you ready from some football?” [laughter] And then he got so excited, he spiked his dog. [laughter] [applause]
No, did you see? President Bush killed his dog this week. [laughter] I don’t know if he killed him, but he let him – no, it was a disgusting scene. He just let the dog go – [makes crashing sound]—right on his head. [laughter] I haven’t seen a president drop a dog this quickly since Monica started…[laughter] [applause] I almost got to the end of that joke. [laughter]
Well, Britney Spears preceded the President there at the big NFL kickoff show, and her costume was a salute to the President’s educational proposals. [laughter] And it’s true. Every time she turned around, you could see a “child’s left behind.” [laughter] [applause]
Actually, it was a very tough week for the administration. They had to do what they hate to do the most, which is ask for help. They asked the U.N. The U.N. says it needs more time to consider our “generous offer” to let them clean up our mess in Iraq. [laughter] [applause] So while they’re thinking about that, Bush has asked the Salvation Army—[laughter]—if they would at least consider picking up Afghanistan if we hauled it to the curb. [laughter] [applause]
Now, the big boys in France and Germany, they have already rejected our offer, but Rumsfeld has a backup plan, which is to cruise by the Home Depot early in the morning and see if he can get some illegals to do the job cheap. [laughter] [applause] I know, it’s not a good plan.
Speaking of doing the job cheap, the Democratic candidates had their first official debate in New Mexico last night. Brilliantly scheduled against the start of the NFL season. [laughter] That’s that Democratic strategy working. I’m not saying it’s a bunch of stiffs, but it was listed in TV Guide as “CSI: Albuquerque.” [laughter] [applause]
And of course, we here in California, with our recall, we had the debate. [applause] Did you see – that’s right. We also had the debate of the candidates this week. Five of them took part. One awkward moment: Arianna Huffington turned to Cruz Bustamante and said, “Could you bring more breadsticks?” [laughter] [applause]
And of course, the big no-show, Arnold Schwarzenegger, did not make the debate. And he keeps changing his reason for missing it. First he said he was busy campaigning door-to-door. Then he said he had a parent-teacher conference. And his latest excuse today is that he was in line for one of his group sex encounters. [laughter] But the guy in front of him just took forever! [laughter] [applause]
Yeah, bad week for Arnold. He took an egg. Did you see that? Arnold Schwarzenegger got egged. Luckily, that porno queen, that porn star who is running, was also there, and she was able to show him how to clean that stuff off your suit. [laughter] [applause]
And finally some good news: the State of Florida killed Paul Hill. [scattered applause] He was the pro-life fanatic who murdered an abortion doctor. But the State of Florida said, “Sorry, when it comes to you, Paul, we’re pro-death.” [laughter] Now, of course, Florida being Florida, the executioner pulled the switch and accidentally voted for Pat Buchanan. [laughter] [applause]
Thank you very much. You’re a very good crowd. We have a good show. Bill Kristol is here. D.L. Hughley, Wolf Blitzer is here. We’ll be talking to Al Franken via satellite. I’ll be laying down a few rules. [applause]
But first up, I am very excited to have this man here. He is the retired four-star general, former NATO Supreme Allied Commander, commanded our forces in Kosovo, very possibly a presidential candidate. Please welcome General Wesley Clark. General? [applause/ovation] How are you doing, sir? Please, have a seat. Okay. [applause continue] There you go. Wow.
Gen. WESLEY CLARK: Pretty nice.
MAHER: Yeah, there’s a standing ovation that, for once, is deserved. And you certainly do deserve it. Nobody knows more about sacrificing for their country than you do, I would say. Now, I heard Condoleezza Rice this week say that we need “a generational commitment” for what we’re doing in Iraq, which sounds a little like the old “pay any price, bear any burden,” which John F. Kennedy said forty years ago. Do you think this generation is up to a “pay any price, bear any burden” commitment, which is what we really need. Do you think this generation of hackers and slackers can cut it?
CLARK: I think this is a great generation. They can do anything that we need to do and have to do.
MAHER: Wow, you are running for president. [laughter] [applause]
CLARK: No, I’ll tell you, the honest truth is – the honest truth is, I was down at NYU doing a talk a couple nights ago, and I talked to a lot of young people from this generation.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: And they told me what the issue is, and what’s really propelling this. They grew up in a generation where people trusted the government. They trusted.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: They hadn’t been through the Watergate experience and Vietnam and all that.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: And they’re asking, “Where is – where’s the threat? Where are those weapons of mass destruction? Why are we doing this?” And so I think you get a generational commitment if you’ve got a reason to motivate a generation to do it. And that’s the fundamental issue right now.
MAHER: Oh, so don’t lie to them again. [laughter] [applause] So, I have to ask you now, I don’t know if you saw the Democrats debate last night. There are some good people in the Democratic field, but there is an awful lot of talk about you. And I’m just wondering, there is so much talk around the water cooler, you’d think that maybe you kissed Britney. [laughter]
Why do you think all of this talk for another Democratic candidate has settled on General Wesley Clark?
CLARK: Well, as I’ve traveled around the country, people are looking for good leadership. They’re looking for proven, experienced leadership. The country is engaged in foreign affairs in a way it wasn’t four or five years ago. 9/11 was a tremendous shock. America woke up afterwards and said what happens beyond our borders, it’s really important. And it just so happened to coincide with the time I’ve been going around.
I’ve been increasingly concerned since 9/11. The strategy was going the wrong way. It was a sort of “bait and switch” tactic. We had Osama bin Laden; he wasn’t enough of an enemy, I guess, wasn’t clear – wanted to get something more substantial. Let’s go back to those old guys that we didn’t like the last time, finish off Saddam Hussein. [applause]
MAHER: All right now, I have to tell you, General, when you said “bait and switch,” you just said the Magic Word! Ladies and gentlemen, the Magic Word: “bait and switch.” [George Bush doll in pilot’s gear is parachuted in] [applause] And there it is. That’s the…this is –[audience member shouts]—all right, no heckling. [laughter]
This is, as you may have known – we had this on the show a couple of weeks ago – this is the George Bush doll. This has been put out by a company. [laughter] And it’s him in his flight suit when he – this is President Dress-Up—[laughter] – when he made his appearance on that aircraft carrier. I’m wondering what you think of that stunt, and this.
CLARK: Well, first of all, I think it’s a great flight suit. [laughter] [applause] And a lot of great men and women have worn that suit with honor. They’ve risked their lives. They’ve lost their lives in that flight suit. But I think when you see that doll, what it will remind us of is the premature celebration at the end of this war.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: Because this was the first of May, and the banner read, “Mission Accomplished.” And you know what’s come out in the Washington press this week is this leaked document from the Joint Staff and the Central Command saying, “We did our after-action review and you know what we found, fellows? We didn’t plan for the whole mission.”
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: “We destroyed the Iraqi army; we got to Baghdad; but we didn’t have phase four, the post-conflict operation. We just didn’t have time to plan it, didn’t have the resources.
MAHER: How could they – aren’t Republicans supposed to be the ones who are efficient like that? I understood Bill Clinton, you know, he was the guy with the pizza boxes in the dorm room, late for meetings. [laughter] But how come the efficient Republicans were the ones who went, “Oh, dude, we forgot the post-war!” [laughter] [applause] I mean, you’ve worked with…You’ve worked with both. It’s a mystery to me.
CLARK: I have. I was in the Ford Administration.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: I know a lot of these guys. And of course, the military guys are all friends of mine. And when I went through there, I asked them – this was a year ago – I said, what’s going to happen after you get in there?
MAHER: Yeah.
CLARK: Because we knew it wasn’t going to be much of a fight.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: They said, well – they said, we really are having a hard time getting it planned because the civilians don’t want to – they don’t want to ask these questions; they don’t want to hear about it.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: The only thing I can figure is that a lot of the civilian leaders hadn’t – they weren’t really students of military operations. Because every serious student of warfare understands that it’s not about smashing the enemy army. It’s about getting to the in-state. It’s the political objective that you’re going at. And I think the Republicans got mesmerized by the weapons.
MAHER: Right. A lot of the – you know, they all talk about the military. Very few of them served like “hm-hm.” [holds up Bush doll] [laughter] [applause] I want to – I want to read you a quote, because I’m not saying whether you’re going to get into this or not, but Howard Dean, who is apparently the front runner now for the Democrats, he said last week, he said, “In Vermont, politics is much further to the left.” He said, “A Vermont centrist is an American liberal.”
And then his campaign manager came out and said, “That’s not an admission he’s a liberal.” [laughter] Which, quite frankly, pissed me off. Because somehow they hijacked that word, “liberal.”
Now, you’re a Democrat. You said that last week.
CLARK: Absolutely.
MAHER: Okay. [applause] I’m just – I’m just wondering, of all the people who has the credentials to say, “liberal” is not a bad word, I’m wondering if I could get you to say that.
CLARK: Well, I’ll say it right now.
MAHER: Good for you.
CLARK: We live in a liberal democracy.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: That’s what we created in this country. [applause] That’s our—
MAHER: That’s right. Thank you.
CLARK: That’s in our Constitution. [applause continue] Let me follow on this, okay? I think we should be very clear on this. You know, this country was founded on the principals of the Enlightenment.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: It was the idea that people could talk, reason, have dialogue, discuss the issues. It wasn’t founded on the idea that someone would get stuck by a divine inspiration and know everything right from wrong. I mean, people who founded this country had religion, they had strong beliefs, but they believed in reason, in dialogue, in civil discourse. We can’t lose that in this country. We’ve got to get it back. [applause]
MAHER: Thank you.
CLARK: I’d like to follow that. Can I follow that?
MAHER: Yes.
CLARK: Because, you know, a lot of people have said, “What are you interested in? Why would you even consider running?” And they say, “Isn’t it just about Iraq?” It really isn’t. Iraq is part of it. I think the foreign policy has serious problems.
MAHER: Right.
CLARK: But I think the economy and the way the administration has dealt with the economy has serious problems. But more fundamental than that, it’s about what kind of country we want to live in. I think this nation wants open, transparent government. I think it likes a two-party system. I think it likes to hear reasoned dialogue, not labeling, name-calling and hateful politics. [applause] And I think 2004 is the election that voters have to put that back in.
MAHER: True. All right, I have one last question I have to ask you. I know you get this all the time. I wouldn’t do it to you except I have to tell you—
CLARK: You think I might announce?
MAHER: No, no, no. [audience reacts/applauds] I’m just going to say this. My mother—[laughter]—is a World War II veteran. She was an Army nurse. She is 84 years old. [applause] It’s okay. Served in World War II. I talk to her every day. She’s also a lifelong Democrat, and we talk on the phone every day. We often talk about politics. And there’s one name that she keeps bringing up, and that is yours. She says, “General Wesley Clark, why doesn’t he get in?”
So I’m not saying – no pressure [laughter] – I’m just saying, 84 years old, lifelong Democrat—[laughter]—Army veteran. You could make that person very happy. No pressure. [laughter] And she has pneumonia. [laughter] But she’s getting over it. But I mean, just do whatever you want, but…
CLARK: Well, we don’t want to – we don’t want to crimp it too soon, you know.
MAHER: You don’t want to—
CLARK: [overlapping] I mean, she’ll be better at 94.
MAHER: Yeah, all right. Thank you very much. Whatever you do, your country owes you a lot. Thank you very much.
CLARK: Good to be with you. [applause]
MAHER: General Wesley Clark. All right. All right, let’s go from General Clark to a little general conversation. Please meet our panel. [applause]
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