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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: miraje who wrote (481386)	10/25/2003 2:19:50 PM
From: miraje	Respond to of 769667

An Interview With John Kerry's Hair by Ron Mwangaguhunga After several frustrated attempts, we were finally granted this important historical moment. So, without further ado, we proudly present for the first time: a print interview with Senator John Kerry's hair. Interviewer: Charmed, I'm sure; why now? John Kerry's Hair (hereafter JKH): I will concede that I have been reluctant in the past, but setting the record straight is important to me. Interviewer: That, and the upcoming Democratic Party primaries. Would you care to take the opportunity to sum up your opposition? JKH: Rather than disparage the talent in the room, I'd like to state categorically that I am the best head of hair among the Democratic Presidential candidates. Interviewer: That is a bold statement. JKH: Bold times call for bold statements, my good man. Interviewer: Well, there is no denying that you are a striking coif. JKH: Even by the considerable standards of Massachusetts, which were instituted by the Kennedy family. I am the measure of all things hair. Interviewer: What about John Edwards? He has impressive hair, no? JKH: (averted gaze) Well, if you go in for that sort of thing. Interviewer: What is this that we are hearing about Dick Gephardt dying his eyebrows? JKH: One hears rumors to that effect. (Unnerved) Look, what about me? Interviewer: Sorry. So, tell us: what are your secrets to looking good. (confidentially) Is it Washingtonian power hairstylist Christophe? JKH: Please. Christophe is so over. Interviewer: So tell us. JKH: You're going to laugh. Interviewer: No, that would be unprofessional. Trust me, I won't laugh. What is your secret for looking so good? JKH: Heinz Dark Brown Mustard Interviewer: Oh dear. JKH: Smeared liberally overnight, it works wonders. Also, I like to tell my constituents in Massachusetts that said mustard is just grand for use in grilled crab po' boys. Interviewer: I'm sure it is. JKH: So you see there are many political advantages to my wife, Theresa Heinz... johnkerrysucks.com