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Politics : Stockman Scott's Political Debate Porch -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: elpolvo who wrote (30604)	10/27/2003 12:32:07 PM
From: T L Comiskey	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 89467

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some more of his gems: 1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back. 3- Half the people you know are below average. 4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. 9- All those who believe in psycho-kinesis, raise my hand. 10- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. 12- OK, so what's the speed of dark? 13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. 19- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good. 20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

To: elpolvo who wrote (30604)	10/27/2003 1:24:40 PM
From: Wharf Rat	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 89467

"...biggest backslide in human civilization..." You have a way with words, amigo. (But I would say that we have a lot of backsliding to do before we rival Hitler.) This is cute; you can skip thru the BS and just read the last line... Gertrude M. Jones Word has been received that Gertrude M. Jones, 81, passed away on August 25, 2003, under the loving care of the nursing aides of Heritage Manor of Mandeville, Louisiana. She was a native of Lebanon, KY. She was a retired Vice President of Georgia International Life Insurance Company of Atlanta, GA. Her husband, Warren K. Jones predeceased her. Two daughters survive her: Dawn Hunt and her live-in boyfriend, Roland, of Mandeville, LA; and Melba Kovalak and her husband, Drew Kovalak, of Woodbury, MN. Three sisters, four grandchildren and three great grandchildren, also survive her. Funeral services were held in Louisville, KY. Memorial gifts may be made to any organization that seeks the removal of President George Bush from office. Published in The Times-Picayune on 10/2/2003. legacy.com WR