THE LOVE AFFAIR OF EDDIE CURRENT
At time T equals zero there lived in a small cavity in a dielectric, a poor struggling dipole by the name of Eddy Current. He was deeply in love with a double layer by the name of Anne Ion, the daughter of an influential force in the town. Her golden coils, her symmetric line integrals, and her simple harmonic motion affected the susceptibilities of all the gay sparks.
However, her father, a rich magnet and a power factor, had laid down a strict set of boundary conditions for her future husband. Eddy's first contact with her came at time T equals A. As he passed a beauty parlor on his periodic orbit, he saw her having a standing wave induced in her filaments. She made a fine sight in her beautiful doublet, and it was the cause of mutual polarization.
By a coincidence they met at a dissipated function the following night. After a few oscillations to the strains of a number, N, by Moe Mentum and his Incandescent Tuning Forks, the young couple diffused into the field outside. There on the Wheatstone bridge, the young dipole felt his moment had come.
"Gauss, Anne," he cried, "You are acute angle. I amp determined that U shall marry me for I sphere that I will never be happy without U."
"Oh Eddy, don't be obtuse, said Anne. Integrate out of here."
"Watt's that, Anne! Are you trying to critically dampen my oscillations? Can't you see I am in a state of hysteresis over you?"
Eddy did not let her reluctance phase him, for he knew it was only a surface charge. He thought to himself, "I admit I get paid a low calorie in my present position. But I have potential and I am sure that money can BTU of no importance compared to my love."
Alas, there was also in this cavity a mean dipole, Schmidt, who was resolved to marry this beauteous Anne, using coercive force if necessary. Hearing these murmurings of love, he went pi-ied with fury, and approached stealthily upon the couple with velocity, V, his joules drooling with the bestial erg that moved him.
"Great Newton, cried Anne, what the infrared are you doing here, you flatbottomed vial villain?"
The situation grew tensor.
Schmidt advanced to choke the beautiful coil. Eddy offered resistance, R, and his capacity, C, for absorbing the charge, Q. But Schmidt lost little work content in knocking him out to infinity with a severe blow of his negative charge. Eddy made a quick comeback with acceleration, A. Stripping off Schmidt's outer electrons, Eddy so upset the villain's equilibrium that he was converted into cosmic radiation, banished into the realm of space with speed, c, leaving Eddy the resultant vector, fixed and resolved in the line of combat.
Old papa Proton, attracted to the spot of Schmidt's oxidation, beamed upon the young dipole. "Brave young lad, he emitted, you have satisfied the boundary conditions and the uniqueness theorem. You are the only one for my daughter."
"Our love will not be transient," said Eddy, as he made a closed circuit about her.
"Darling, we will raise a one parameter family of second order infinitesimals," murmured Anne happily, as time T approached E and they lived a happy half-life together. |
