To: SofaSpud who wrote (3443 ) 1/9/2004 11:51:33 AM From: SofaSpud Read Replies (2) | Respond to of 37263 Someone who really knows Ottawa worked this oldie over. It's rather frightening, actually: AESOP'S FABLE The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. THE CANADIAN POST-MODERN VERSION: The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate like him are cold and starving. CBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper, with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table filled with food. Canadians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty. The NDP, the CAW and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in front of the ant's house. The CBC, interrupting an Inuit cultural festival special from Nunavut with breaking news, broadcasts them singing "We Shall Overcome." Svend Robinson of the NDP rants in an interview with Pamela Wallin that the ant has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share." In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity & Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer. A new federal department, "EEGAD" is set up to administer the act with a first year budget of $100 million. The ant's taxes are reassessed and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as helpers. Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The ant moves to the US and starts an agribiz company. The CBC later shows the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of the ant's food though Spring is still months away, while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he hadn't maintained it. Inadequate government funding is blamed and Roy Romanow is appointed to head a commission of inquiry that will cost $10,000,000. The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose and the Toronto Star blames it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity. The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised by the government for enriching Canada's multicultural diversity, who promptly terrorize the community. The workings of the new federal department, EEGAD, are scrutinized by the Auditor General who finds that the initial $100 million budget has been exceeded-by approximately $1.5 billion-and the new department's staff now exceeds that of the 3 departments responsible for the Gun Registry program, Regional Economic Incentives and Heritage. The Cabinet promptly doubles the budget for Sheila Copps in an effort to keep her quiet. A few businessmen from Shawinigan end up taking over the Ant's now house-less property and, with a grant from Ottawa, develop it into a new resort and golf course complex. A high speed train built by Bombardier under a federal Regional Incentive Grant connects it with Montreal. A federal election is called and the combined Ontario/Quebec vote results in a new record Liberal majority. Polls in Alberta and BC are closed by 4 p.m. when those provinces realize it's all over. The Conservative and Alliance parties blame each other for not uniting to form a viable alternative. In January, the Governor General, together with 80 high profile associates are sent on a month long federally funded tour of South Pacific island states to show the world how Canadian style democracy can improve their way of life. The Ant is well, thank you, has sold his successful agribiz and retired in Arizona. The end. "The proof is the proof and when you have a good proof it's proven" .. Jean Chretien >