The T-Shirt That Launched 1,000 Quips
By Dana Milbank
Sunday, December 28, 2003; Page A05
As if things weren't going badly enough for John F. Kerry, the senator from Massachusetts has been bitten by a Psycho Chihuahua.
The attack occurred 10 days ago in Hopkinton, N.H., when Kerry went to speak to a class at Hopkinton High. This appearance resulted in a most unhelpful photo for the onetime front-runner for the Democratic nomination, snapped by Concord Monitor photo editor Dan Habib. The image is of Kerry making an earnest point to student Mark LaGuardia, who, unbeknownst to the candidate, is wearing a T-shirt that proclaims on the back: "Your mouth keeps moving but all I hear is 'BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.' "
The student told the Monitor that he did not mean to make a political statement with the shirt, which features the likeness of "Psycho Chihuahua," a talking Mexican dog whose appearance in Taco Bell commercials is the subject of recent litigation. "I completely forgot that he" -- Kerry, not the Chihuahua -- "was coming," LaGuardia, 17, told the Monitor. "I asked, 'Do I have time to ride home to change?' But I didn't."
One finds this explanation suspect; LaGuardia admitted that he is a Republican. Either way, giddy rival campaigns see a metaphor. The image could be the most damaging since Kerry was captured nibbling at a cheese steak in Philadelphia after requesting Swiss cheese.
Raked Over the Christmas Coals
If Santa's reading his e-mail, both Dick Gephardt and Howard Dean got coal in their stockings Thursday.
In the style, if not the spirit, of the Christmas season, the Gephardt campaign penned a letter to the North Pole from President Bush. Dear Santa: "Could you please make sure Howard Dean is the Democratic nominee?" it asked. "I know this is asking a lot, but it would mean so much to me and Dick Cheney and John Ashcroft and, of course, Karl Rove."
Dean's elves retaliated in kind, writing a Dickensian exchange that occurs between Gephardt after winning the 1988 Iowa caucus, and the Gephardt of today. In this fictional visit from the ghost of campaigns future, the younger Gephardt is incredulous that his future self has not done better.
"So honestly, in 16 years we're still a congressman?" 1988 Gephardt asks.
"You lost the House? We had it for 40 years!"
"I'm a perennial loser? This has to be some sort of nightmare. Come on, slap me, I'll wake up in the West Wing."
The younger Gephardt continues: "You really stood up to the Republicans, though, right?"
Replies the future Gephardt: "Does going to war count?"
Happy Hanukah From Dean
It appears the Dean campaign has become a bit anxious about the candidate's lack of appeal to Jewish voters. He drew criticism early in the campaign for saying the United States should "not take sides" in the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. This month, an anonymous e-mail has been circulating widely claiming that Dean has "promised that if he is elected president, the United States will no longer support Israel the way it has in the past under both Democratic and Republican presidents."
Last week, Matt Dorf, whose title is "Jewish affairs and outreach" for the Dean campaign, sent an e-mail to Jewish leaders wishing them a happy Hanukah and attaching a letter from Dean's (Jewish) co-chairman Steve Grossman.
"Because so much inaccurate information has been transmitted over the Internet during the past few days about Howard Dean's positions and statements on the U.S.-Israel relationship, I want to share with you the real story," began the letter, dated Dec. 18. "Howard Dean believes that the United States must remain committed to the special, longstanding relationship we have with Israel, including providing the resources necessary to guarantee Israel's long-term defense and security."
Chain of To's
The campaign news release of the week belongs to Gephardt spokesman Erik Smith, whose effort was titled: "Gephardt Campaign Response to Dean Campaign Response to Clark Campaign Response to [Dean campaign manager] Joe Trippi." Dean spokesman Jay Carson said the campaign is fully prepared "to give our response to their response to our response to their response to our response." If anybody is still paying attention, that is.
The Object Lessons of History
It's a good thing for John Edwards that Wesley Clark doesn't still command the NATO arsenal. In remarks broadcast to C-SPAN viewers a week ago, Clark said he would "beat the [expletive] out of" anybody who criticized his patriotism or military record.
Clark seems to have his scope trained on fellow candidate Edwards, the senator from North Carolina, who said a few months ago that Democrats "need to be really careful that our anger is not directed at each other." Scott Anderson, Clark's South Carolina director, wrote to Edwards earlier this month to complain that Edwards supporter Robert Ford, an S.C. state senator, mailed "a negative attack on General Clark." Clark supporters are also seething over remarks by Edwards spokeswoman Jennifer Palmieri saying "military leaders he has worked with, and who know him best, seem to have a lot of concern about his ability to lead."
Memo to Ford and Palmieri: Remember Slobodan Milosevic.
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