To: goldworldnet who wrote (519386 ) 1/4/2004 5:19:51 PM From: Rick McDougall Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 769667 Tom Ridge Says Terrorists Caused California Earthquake -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- SAN SIMEON, California — Homeland Security Secretary, Tom Ridge has labeled an earthquake that shook California last week as the work of terrorists. Scientists and geologists have deemed it a natural event caused by the movement of tectonic plates, but since when does the Bush administration listen to scientists? "We issued an Orange alert, and then the earthquake happened," said Mr. Ridge, "We've been proven right this time. In fact, for the first time! The bad guys did their worst not far from Orange County, of all places! The bastards!" Democratic hopeful, Dennis Kucinich, said that Mr. Ridge was over-reacting and "is not combating terrorism, but is only trying to scare Americans in order to boost the President's standing in the polls." Tom Ridge responded, "That leftist pinko can kiss my ass." The scare tactics seemed to be working, as the President's job approval rating skyrocketed. A substantial majority of those surveyed said that Mr. Bush was doing a good job as President, that the war in Iraq was going well, and that the economy was on the right track. However, Hillary Clinton launched a sharp attack on the President. "The President should not be this popular," she said. The religious right rallied around the Ridge claim that terrorist caused the earthquake. "The earth is still as God created it seven thousand years ago. Therefore, the terrorists must have caused the earthquake by building tectonic plates!" Governor Arnold Gropenator declared a state of emergency in California. "Quickly, give me steroids so that I can withstand a nuclear blast," he said. He then calmed down and said, "I'll be back, but your noble leader, aka me, is taking a short trip to Mexico." No terrorist groups have claimed responsibility for the earthquake, but President Bush said it was only a matter of time before one of these groups comes clean. "They may be able to shift our soils, but they cannot shift our freedoms," said Bush. KDANTEATER