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Politics : World Affairs Discussion -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: GUSTAVE JAEGER who wrote (3193)	1/8/2004 10:38:34 PM
From: ChinuSFO	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 3959

Google whacking the perfect antidote to spam rage 24dec03 This was the year spam joined the axis of evil. Or at least the axis of the incredibly aggravating. As exclusive offers of Paris Hilton sex-romp videos multiplied exponentially, pundits estimated that e-crap was costing Australian businesses at least $2 billion per annum. (And that didn't take into account all the productivity we lost worrying about how so many complete strangers knew we had such small penises in the first place.) Then there was the growing problem of spam rage. In the US late last month, a Silicon Valley computer programmer was arrested for threatening a company he believed was crippling his business with penis augmentation propaganda. According to Reuters, Charles Booher threatened to send a "package full of anthrax spores" to the company, to disable an employee with a bullet and torture him with a power drill and ice pick; and to hunt down and castrate employees unless they removed him from their email list. The object of Booher's ire – the advertisers for a product called the "Only Reliable, Medically Approved Penis Enhancement" – blamed a rival firm which they said was giving the penis enhancement business "a bad name". Now there's a tough assignment. While many of us share Booher's rage (I'd get into the ice-picking business myself if I wasn't so busy deleting all those emails for black-market Viagra), this is the season of goodwill so it's worth remembering there is some good spam. The warning about the boob hoax I keep receiving, for example. "I hate these hoax email warnings, but this one is important," it reads. "If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your boobs, do not show him your boobs. This is a scam; he only wants to see your boobs." As one recipient lamented: "I wish I'd received this email earlier. I feel so stupid and cheap." "Albums to Track Down" is another excellent group offering currently doing the rounds. Highlights include the cover art from vinyl classics by Country Church (swoon over their matching knitwear), the Minister's Quartet (their piece de resistance is called Let Me Touch Him) and Devastatin' Dave The Turntable Slave (all you need to know is "Zip Zap Rap"). But by far the best of this year's batch of en bloc emails is the one taking the piss out of the US Government's highly ambiguous new terrorism safety procedure diagrams. One illustration depicts a door, a dude and a large red arrow. "If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder," the interpretation reads. While not strictly spam, "Google bombing" also deserves a mention for excellence in en masse internet usage. Thanks to a weird algorithmic abnormality associated with Google, computer nerds are now able to manipulate the search engine for their own dastardly means. This is why a search for "miserable failure" will still send you straight to the biography of George W. Bush. Hunting for weapons of mass destruction? Enter this phrase into Google and you'll be directed to a site explaining that the weapons you are looking for are currently unavailable. It then suggests adjusting your weapons inspection mandate, pressing the regime change button or, if you are George W. Bush, checking your spelling of Iraq. It's cyberspace at its anti-establishment, anarchistic best. NB: Before signing off for the year, I should add that last week's competition for kitsch Christmas confusion has a new champion. He is The Love Shark, guitarist for feisty Australian electro-rock ensemble MGF. Before leaving the stage after a gig last weekend, he reminded the audience that "Santa died for your sins". Father Christmas was survived by a chocolate virgin and three wise bunnies. theaustralian.news.com.au