From alphawolf on the FOOL in response to someone who only wanted to pay taxes for services rendered.
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Form 1040EZ
Name:
Address:
Social Security Number:
1) For every library book you borrowed this year, please add $1.82 plus make sure you fill out Form IREADTHIS and file with John Ashcroft
2) For every park you visited this year, please add $7.12 (or $12.55 if you don't want us to start having Exxon drilling for oil in Yellowstone).
3) For every mile you drove on a public road, please add $.18 for every sub-compact, $.22 for every mid-size, and $.31 for every SUV.
4) For every breath of clean air you or your family took, add $.02. If you decide to not breathe clean air, sign at the bottom of this form that you are dead.
5) For every student in public school, please add $3,225.
6) If you do not have children or your children are not school age, add $3,225.
7) If you were robbed, beaten, raped or murdered, add $459 to cover police costs.
8) If you took any medication, add $2.36 per pill.
9) For every doctor's visit, add $37 to cover educational costs unless Howard Dean was your doctor (in which case you owe $78 – yeeehaaa!)
10) For every public building you entered, add $42 to cover depreciation, maintenance, utilities, and sleeping guards.
11) If the country was attacked, add $2,118 to cover cool jets the president can fly, additional fuel for aircraft carriers to stay out to sea, large “Mission Accomplished” banners, and fake turkeys.
12) Add $.01 to cover the cost of soldier's uniforms, ammunition, and benefits.
13) Add $.06 for every dollar that passed through your possession to cover printing costs and all those damn changes to the quarters.
14) If you were attacked by a criminal, add $50,500 to cover prison costs.
15) If you flew this year, add $377 per trip to cover cost metal detectors, explosive detectors, security guards, and additional costs to loose baggage not misplaced the first time.
16) If you suffered a fire, add $8,433 to cover cost of trucks, water, hoses, and salaries.
17) If you voted in an election, add $9. If you used a Diebold voting machine, add $27 because you voted 3 times for the Republican candidate.
18) If your house was destroyed by hurricane, flood, mud slide, or earthquake, add $986 to add insult to injury.
19) Add $1,324 for Homeland Security. If you do not want Homeland Security, add $3,854 for one-way trip to Guantanimo Bay.
20) If you were audited by the IRS, add $749 for pencils and green eye shades.
21) Add $1.22 for every $1.00 you received in Social Security.
22) Add up lines 1-21.
23) Insert total income
24) If line 22 is greater than line 23, do what George Bush does – borrow, borrow, borrow!
25) If line 23 is greater than line 22, add difference here for Mars trip tax
26) Add lines 22 and 25.
Thanks and have a nice day! |
