"G7 Communique' Translated"...By Rasputin at Prudent Bear
G7 Statement of February 7, 2004, as translated (by translation machine):
(The format is the particular G7 statement in quotation marks, with the relevant translation below each statement)
“The global economic recovery has strengthened significantly since our meeting in Dubai and risks have diminished.”
(T-Machine): The U.S. continues to spend like drunken sailors and the Asians continue to supply the party by snapping up Treasuries, Fannies and Freddies like there was no tomorrow. Actually, there IS no tomorrow.
“Growth projections for 2004 have been revised upward to their highest in three years. Fiscal and monetary policies have helped bring about these welcome changes.”
(T-Machine): ALL central banks have installed the new, improved “Bernanke B-9” printing presses and are running them 24-7.. National governments have dug up Keynes', corpse and are replaying a fiscal version of “Weekend at Bernie's”, spending money hand-over-fist on every two-bit, “make work” project they can dream up.
“In our Agenda for Growth initiative, we emphasize supply-side structural policies that increase flexibility and raise productivity growth and employment.”
(T-Machine): You remember supply-side don't you? That was the experiment tht gave us the massive deficits of the 80's. Well, we have really souped up the ol' Laffer curve for this round…
“Today we released a progress report on our Agenda for Growth. This agenda and sound fiscal policies over the medium term are key to addressing global current account imbalances. We outlined strategies for sustained medium-term fiscal consolidation as economies recover.”
(T-Machine): Of course, we gave ourselves an “A”. Wouldn't your teen-age kids like to do their own report cards too? Our strategies for sustained medium-term fiscal consolidation are to continue competitive currency devaluations, trade sanctions, hidden price subsidies until the whole mess collapses in a smoking heap.
“International trade is vital; we call for further efforts and for countries to take the steps to resume the Doha round, which is pivotal to global growth and the alleviation of world poverty.”
(T-Machine) The Doha round of trade talks got about as far as the latest Palestinian-Isreali “peace initiative”. We expect more of the same at the next meeting. But, hey, what do we care? We STILL get paid to travel to these exotic locations, gorge ourselves on food, drink ourselves into a coma and deem ourselves “Masters of the Universe”.
“We reaffirm that exchange rates should reflect economic fundamentals. Excess volatility and disorderly movements in exchange rates are undesirable for economic growth. We continue to monitor exchange markets closely and cooperate as appropriate. In this context, we emphasize that more flexibility in exchange rates is desirable for major countries or economic areas that lack such flexibility to promote smooth and widespread adjustments in the international financial system, based on market mechanisms.”
(T-Machine, starting to choke): Please, please Japan, promise that you won't spend another $500 billion trying to prop up your own trade exports. Pretty Please? China, okay you can HAVE Taiwan, just lift that pesky peg on the yuan. C'mon, youse guys ain't playin' fair. Anyways, we WILL be watching your tricky currency traders (soros, this means you!), and we stomp you into submission if we have to.
“To combat terrorist financing, we urge all countries to strengthen their asset freezing regimes and to combat abuse of the informal financial sector and non-profit organizations. The IMF/World Bank should make permanent and comprehensive their assessments of countries' efforts to combat terrorism.”
(T-Machine): We will continue to persecute the honest citizens of our own countries in the name of “freedom”, enlisting the assistance of the “New World Order Banking System” also known as the IMF/World Bank.
“We are committed to further enhance transparency and supervisory standards in financial markets, in particular non-compliant off-shore centers.”
(T-Machine) Ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, hee, hee, ho, hee, hee, ha!!! We know better than to expose these off-shore havens to the light of day. There would be a swarm of cockroaches named JPM Bank of America, Goldman Scahs, the ESF, the CIA, etc., like the world has never seen. Ha, ha, transparency! That's a good one.
“We have a shared interest in seeing strengthened economic growth in the greater Middle East. We had a productive meeting with our counterparts from Afghanistan and Iraq. We welcome the completion of the currency exchange in Iraq and the removal of interest rate controls, and we look forward to the approval of the new central bank law. We welcome progress on reform and reconstruction in Afghanistan and the renewed efforts to collect revenues from the provinces. We call on others to join us in reducing the debt burdens of Iraq and Afghanistan. We welcome the plans of the IMF and the World Bank to provide financial and technical assistance to Iraq and Afghanistan.”
(T-Machine) Our puppet regimes in Afghanistan and Iraq need us to send more money so they can continue to swell their bank accounts in those previously-mentioned “non-compliant off-shore centers. |
