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Politics : Politics for Pros- moderated -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: LindyBill who wrote (36089)3/22/2004 5:07:14 PM
From: LindyBill  Respond to of 793689
 
I just read that one of the Pultizer Judges nominated "The Onion" for a Pulitzer for this Sep 26th, 2001 Cover. Didn't get anywhere, of course.

Hijackers surprised to find themselves in Hell.

"We expected Eternal Paradise for this," they say.

JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS—The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar, Islam's Hell.

"I was promised I would spend eternity in Paradise, being fed honeyed cakes by 67 virgins in a tree-lined garden, if only I would fly the airplane into one of the Twin Towers," said Mohammed Atta, one of the hijackers of American Airlines Flight 11, between attempts to vomit up the wasps, hornets, and live coals infesting his stomach. "But instead, I am fed the boiling feces of traitors by malicious, laughing Ifrit. Is this to be my reward for destroying the enemies of my faith?"



The rest of Atta's words turned to raw-throated shrieks, as a tusked, asp-tongued demon burst his eyeballs and drank the fluid that ran down his face.

According to Hell sources, the 19 eternally damned terrorists have struggled to understand why they have been subjected to soul-withering, infernal torture ever since their Sept. 11 arrival.

"There was a tumultuous conflagration of burning steel and fuel at our gates, and from it stepped forth these hijackers, the blessed name of the Lord already turning to molten brass on their accursed lips," said Iblis The Thrice-Damned, the cacodemon charged with conscripting new arrivals into the ranks of the forgotten. "Indeed, I do not know what they were expecting, but they certainly didn't seem prepared to be skewered from eye socket to bunghole and then placed on a spit so that their flesh could be roasted by the searing gale of flatus which issues forth from the haunches of Asmoday."

"Which is strange when you consider the evil with which they ended their lives and those of so many others," added Iblis, absentmindedly twisting the limbs of hijacker Abdul Aziz Alomari into unspeakably obscene shapes.

"I was told that these Americans were enemies of the one true religion, and that Heaven would be my reward for my noble sacrifice," said Alomari, moments before his jaw was sheared away by faceless homunculi. "But now I am forced to suckle from the 16 poisoned leathern teats of Gophahmet, Whore of Betrayal, until I burst from an unwholesome engorgement of curdled bile. This must be some sort of terrible mistake."

Exacerbating the terrorists' tortures, which include being hollowed out and used as prophylactics by thorn-cocked Gulbuth The Rampant, is the fact that they will be forced to endure such suffering in sight of the Paradise they were expecting.

"It might actually be the most painful thing we can do, to show these murderers the untold pleasures that would have awaited them in Paradise, if only they had lived pious lives," said Praxitas, Duke of Those Willingly Led Astray. "I mean, it's tough enough being forced through a wire screen by the callused palms of Halcorym and then having your entrails wound onto a stick and fed to the toothless, foul-breathed swine of Gehenna. But to endure that while watching the righteous drink from a river of wine? That can't be fun."

Underworld officials said they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."



To: LindyBill who wrote (36089)3/22/2004 5:10:15 PM
From: Neeka  Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 793689
 
With wealth like this it is going to be very tough for Kerry to convince the "little guy" that he understands, and sympathizes with the little guy.

I also posted this article so that unclewest could get a glimpse of Kerry and Terry's home in Ketchum.

Picture attached.

BTW Has anyone seen any pictures of Kerry falling while skiing and boarding last week? I know I haven't. If it had been a conservative falling all over the mountain, I don't doubt it would be all over the evening news and front page material.

M

Five Kerry Homes Valued at Nearly $33M
2 hours, 22 minutes ago Add Politics - AP to My Yahoo!


By LOLITA C. BALDOR, Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON - From a sailing mecca to a ski resort, presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry (news - web sites) and his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, enjoy the trappings of their wealth in at least five homes and vacation getaways valued at nearly $33 million.

AP Photo

AP Photo
Slideshow: John Kerry



Latest headlines:
· Ad Says Kerry Strong on Defense, Economy
AP - 45 minutes ago

· FBI Spied on Kerry in '70s, Report Says
AP - 2 hours, 11 minutes ago

· Five Kerry Homes Valued at Nearly $33M
AP - 2 hours, 22 minutes ago






Some are private escapes for the family, while others serve as prime spots to host fund-raisers and exclusive gatherings for wealthy donors. All reflect the couple's status — he is a four-term Massachusetts senator, she is heiress to the $500 million family ketchup fortune — with breathtaking vistas, elegant furnishings and enclosures that protect the property from prying eyes.

Each home has a place in the family's life, with its own history and mission, from the preppy island of Nantucket and Boston's Beacon Hill to the Pittsburgh countryside, from the Idaho mountains to the nation's capital.

Kerry is on a weeklong break from the campaign at the home in the wooded mountains of Ketchum, Idaho. Located near the banks of the Big Wood River, the nearly $5 million house is a reassembled barn, originally built in England in 1485, and brought to Idaho by Heinz Kerry's late husband, H. John Heinz III. The Pennsylvania Republican senator died in a plane crash in 1991.

The classic yet comfortably furnished farmhouse, profiled in Architectural Digest magazine in 1993, was inspired by Heinz Kerry's memories of an inn in Swaziland where she vacationed with her parents. Its central point is an enormous, 57-by-24-foot great room with a 25-foot ceiling framed with original oak beams.

The Heinz family has had the house since 1966, and traditionally spends time there in August and during the Christmas holidays — often throwing a New Year's Eve party capped with fireworks.

This is also where Heinz Kerry, while on one of her frequent hikes, wrestled with the prospect of Kerry's presidential bid — a political move she had opposed for her first husband and Kerry.

"While taking a long walk in Ketchum, she finally realized she couldn't hold him back, that he had too much to offer the country," said Heinz Kerry's spokeswoman Christine Anderson. "She said they're not getting any younger and this was a contribution she knew he could make."

While Ketchum provides a respite from politics, the tony Beacon Hill brownstone in Boston has been a more frequent campaign way-station for Kerry and his wife. It is the only residence that is theirs as a couple. And, assessed at nearly $7 million, it is the residence that Kerry mortgaged last year to finance more than $6 million in loans to his campaign.

Their other homes, ranging in value from more than $3 million to nearly $9.2 million, belong to Heinz Kerry, and predate her 1995 marriage to the Massachusetts senator. Several are still listed under the name of her late husband.

Formerly part of a convent, the five-story, 12-room Boston town house — with six fireplaces, a rooftop deck and an elevator — is Kerry's main residence. It is where he is registered to vote, where his cars and motorcycle are registered and is located blocks from the State House where he began his political career as lieutenant governor.

Visitors say the town house, with its modern two-story kitchen built for entertaining, is filled with books, decorated with family photos and Dutch still-life paintings and boasts a striking portrait of "Moby Dick" author Herman Melville that hangs in the small library just inside the entrance.

While that is their newest home, Heinz Kerry has had a Massachusetts presence for years.

Just beyond the historic Brant Point Lighthouse in Nantucket's harbor is Heinz Kerry's $9.1 million waterfront estate. Rimmed by tall hedges, with a wide deck and a lawn that reaches to the beach, the three-story, five-bedroom manse was the site of the couple's Memorial Day weekend wedding in 1995.

Since then, the house has been used for campaign retreats and Democratic receptions for the party's big money donors.

Visitors say that while the homes are adorned with pricey art and antiques, they are generally friendly and comfortable and not ostentatious. "Their homes have always been places for friends and family to come together," Anderson said. "And their homes reflect that."

While Kerry calls Boston home, Heinz Kerry's base is Pittsburgh, which is her longtime residence and the headquarters of the Heinz Family Philanthropies, which she chairs.

Located on a $3.7 million, 90-acre family farm in Fox Chapel, the home is a nine-room white colonial fronted with six columns, and at the end of a steep drive, hidden from the road by a curtain of woods. The property includes a deep-red, nine-room carriage house.

This is where Heinz Kerry raised her three sons, where she is registered to vote, and where — on one day in the early 1980s — the late "Mister (Fred) Rogers" filmed an episode of his "Old Friends, New Friends" show. Rogers was the godfather to Heinz Kerry's youngest son, Christopher.

Their fifth home, in Georgetown, is perhaps the most utilitarian, and is necessary to accommodate the time they spend in Washington when the Senate is in session. Also belonging to Heinz Kerry, the 23-room, $4.7 million town house, with its wide stairway and landscaped courtyard, is filled with antiques, fine art, including paintings by Dutch masters, and family photos.

news.yahoo.com