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Politics : Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kerry -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: American Spirit who wrote (11223)	4/1/2004 9:45:25 AM
From: JakeStraw	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 81568

John Kerry, George Soros to Wed April 1, 2004 MND NEWSWIRE SATIRE BOSTON - John Kerry's presidential campaign announced today that the Massachusetts Senator (60) plans to wed financier George Soros (74) in Boston on May 23, 2004. After the marriage, the couple expects to take a long honeymoon in Europe, returning in time for the Democratic convention in Boston in June. This announcement came as a surprise to the Boston political community. Mr. Kerry is currently married to Teresa Heinz Kerry, heiress to the Heinz ketchup fortune. Although there were no rumors of trouble in the marriage, sources in the Kerry campaign say that Ms. Heinz has agreed to move to Africa and obtain an immediate divorce. In a prepared statement, Senator Kerry said: "I thank Teresa for her understanding and my heart goes out to her at this difficult time. However, I just find George five times more attractive." Political experts suggested that this development should not have any effect on Senator Kerry's presidential campaign. "This effects only the Senator, Mrs. Heinz and Mr. Soros," said L. Stanhope Adams, professor of political ethics at the Kennedy School of Government. "If they are satisfied with this arrangement, I can't believe that the American people won't accept this." Senator Kerry said that, "George is one of the great financial minds in history. He could easily serve as a distinguished Treasury Secretary or as Chairman of the Federal Reserve. Having him by my side to guide our domestic policy will free me up to lead the investigation that will allow us to arrest Osama bin Laden. The American people will be getting two presidents for the price of one." Senator Kerry's campaign denied that this marriage represented a change in the Senator's position on gay marrage. "The Senator continues to oppose a federal constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, supports a state constitutional amendment banning gay marriage and intends to engage in a gay marriage. These are not nuanced positions -- we absolutely defy anyone to find any wiggle room in the Senator's positions." Nevertheless, the Kerry campaign wasted no time in preemptively striking back at the Bush campaign for attacking Senator Kerry's personal life. "The Bush campaign's snide insinuations concerning Senator Kerry's engagement will feed not one person, will create not one job, will not pay for a single doctor's appointment and doesn't change the Senator's long history of defending this country, including in Vietnam." Through his office, Mr. Soros, a native of Hungary, suggested that the Bush administration's views of gay marriage reminded him of the Nazi and Communist regimes. The wedding will be held at the deluxe Boston Harbor Hotel. A Rabbi, a priest and a minister will officiate. The happy couple is registered at the Federal Election Commission. mensnewsdaily.com