allhatnocattle.net
"When I was coming up, it was a dangerous world, and you knew exactly who they were," he said. "It was us vs. them, and it was clear who them was. Today, we are not so sure who the they are, but we know they're there." George W. Bush, Iowa Western Community College, Jan 21, 2000
This basically sums it all up...
While vacationing on a ranch one August day, G W Bush gets thrown from
his horse, lands on a rattlesnake, gets bit and dies because the emergency
room at the nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So
his soul arrives in heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly
Gates.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there
is a problem. We seldom see a Republican around these parts, so we're not sure
what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer." says Bushie.
"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from the Man Himself. He
says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must
choose where you'll live for eternity."
"But, I've already made up my mind, I want to be in Heaven," replied
Bushie.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to
an elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell . The doors
open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is
shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees.
In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of it is his
dad and thousands of other Repugnicans who had helped him out over the years
Ford,, Nixon, Reagan . . . The whole gang was there . . .everyone laughing . . happy and casually but
expensively dressed. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the
good times they had getting rich at expense of the "suckers and peasants."
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Bushie with a frosty drink. "Have a
Margarita and relax, George!"
"Uh, I can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says Bushie, dejectedly.
"This is Hell, son you can drink and eat all you want and not worry, and it
just gets better from there!"
Bushie takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks
is a really very friendly guy who tells funny jokes like himself, and pulls
hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like they pulled on the 9-11 inquiry and tax
promises. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it,it's
time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Bushie steps on the
elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and St. Peter is
waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening
the gate. So for 24 hours Bushie is made to hang out with a bunch of
honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about
things other than money, and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or
fratboy joke among them; no fancy country clubs and, while the food tastes
great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor, he doesn't
see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!
"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "Daddy never prepared me
for this."
The day done, St. Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell
and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."
With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Bushie
reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, I would never have thought I'd
say this-I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all-but I really think I
belong in Hell with my friends."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all
the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a
barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste.kind
of like Iraq after he was done!!. He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags
and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags.
They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime. The
Devil comes over to Bushie and puts an arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Bush, "Yesterday I was here and
there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar and
drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a
wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"
The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly, and purrs, "Yesterday we were
campaigning; today you voted for us!" |
