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Pastimes : Clown-Free Zone... sorry, no clowns allowed -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Tom Swift who wrote (284174)	4/14/2004 11:25:08 PM
From: Michael Watkins	Respond to of 436258

In a related story: Wed Apr 14, 9:27 AM ET MAUI (Pooters) - Citizens Fed Up With Obesity: Donuts To Blame Atkins-Unaware Island Said To be Sinking Into The Ocean Due to Citizens Rising Weight Hawaii residents have been winning competitions for decades, only this time, the battle of the bulge is one they wish they were not King Kahuna. A recent and alarming obsession with Krispy Kreme doughnuts has significantly increased the weight of the population - so much so that scientists are sounding the alarm that a critical fracture of the earths crust below their tiny island paradise may be only days away. Dr. Nelson Corpulent, resident practitioner at the Betty Ford Clinic for Hungry Hawaiians, located cross-corner to a combo Krispy Kreme doughnuterie and Kentucky Fried Chicken Factory Outlet, notes that patient weights in his facility are "off the charts". "I'm finding it difficult to get patients in and out of their rooms and call upon the government to do something about increasing the minimum permissible door width specification!" Dr. Corpulent exclaimed. Passageway inconvenience and long lines at doughnut shops may not be the only thing Hawaiians need to worry about. Juanita Smallbones, chief scientist at the state Department of Crustology issued a Level 5 geo-science alert today, calling upon the State Governor to immediately put the entire island on a diet. Ms Smallbones report contains a dire warning that the entire island may plunge through the earth's crust if its population keeps gaining weight at current rates. "We're recommending that all persons who can still fit in a standard airline seat be evacuated immediately as a precautionary measure". Governor Phutaki was unavailable for comment. Aides indicated Phutaki was participating in the island's monthly 'All You Can Eat" Luau, sponsored by Frito Lay. ###