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Pastimes : Clown-Free Zone... sorry, no clowns allowed -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Knighty Tin who wrote (284656)	4/19/2004 11:52:34 AM
From: ild	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 436258

Asia Pacific: The Adventures of Johnny Cash Andy Xie (Hong Kong) I was born on November 6, 2002 at the Fed. Mr. Alan Greenspan was my father and my mother. A repo person (someone who swaps Treasury bonds for cash with the Fed to buy more Treasury bonds) showed up at the Fed. “Take it,” Mr. Greenspan pushed me out, “just one and half percent.” “One-and-a-half percent” stuck in my mind, and I have suffered from low self-esteem ever since. The repo person took me to the Treasury auction at the Department of Treasury and exchanged me for some three-year Treasury bonds at 2.3%. As long as the Treasuries that he bought remained stable in price, he would profit from the interest rate difference. In fact, the Treasuries were appreciating, as more and more repo people came for the same trade – borrowing money from the Fed to buy Treasuries. My repo person was early and became very rich. I was suddenly sucked into a gigantic place with zillions of creatures that looked just like me. It was the US Treasury Department. My self-esteem dropped even lower. One day, I heard John Snow saying “We got the big tax cut”. I was immediately dropped in an envelope addressed to Mrs. Jane Smith of San Antonio, Texas, as her tax rebate. When she saw me, she screamed with joy and immediately took me to a Gig-Mart – a hyper mart – near her house. “The Lowest Price” signs hung everywhere in the Gig-Mart, which was as big as a soccer field. She picked up enough stuff to burst her hatchback. But I ended up in the Gig-Mart’s treasury when Mrs. Smith was finished shopping. Mike Moore, a procurement executive at the Gig-Mart, took me to Shanghai to see Gordon Su, a Taiwanese businessman who makes barbecue grills. Mike did not want go to his factory, which was 100 kilometers from Shanghai. He wanted to meet Mr. Su at a nice Italian restaurant at a posh five-star hotel. After some chitchat, lobster pasta and a good bottle of wine, Mike wanted to talk about business: “You know, I was in Ningbo and a guy over there offered to sell me similar grills at half as much as what you charge. Gordon, I like you and we have been through a lot together. But you have got to make some adjustment. I can’t stick with you if you cost me too much.” Gordon started perspiring. “How about 5% less,” he stuttered. “5%!” Mike was not amused, “you offer 5% against the 50% that the Ningbo guy offered?” The conversation lasted for two hours. They finally reached an agreement on 15%. And Gordon picked up the bill. Mike parted with me for Gordon’s grills at 15% less than last year’s price. Gordon muttered, “How to cut costs by 15%,” all the way to his factory. “Cutting one toilet break and switching 20% seasoned workers for new ones with less pay would do it”. So Gordon discovered new ways to squeeze his workers to make Mike happy, who could make Mrs. Smith even happier. For all his efforts, Gordon got me as his profit. Gordon was relieved from the burden of keeping the Gig-Mart’s business for one more year. He went to see his Shanghai girlfriend, Ting-ting. “I am making a lot more money this year. How about that?” Gordon said to her. “Maybe it’s time we have a place of our own. You know, we need to spend more time together. The Platinum Palace on Huahai Road is going up. It looks nice. Besides, it is very little money to you. Right?” she said convincingly. “Oh, yes. It’s nothing. We should have the best. The Platinum Palace sounds good. Take this money and buy a nice apartment,” Gordon boasted. Ting-ting took me to the sales office at the Platinum Palace. Actually, it was just a construction site. The sales office was in a temporary building. Its walls were plastered with pictures of Roman columns and fountains. The show flats had miles of marble and hardwood. Ting-ting couldn’t contain her excitement and immediately put down half a million dollars for a three-bedroom flat. It was equal to one year’s salary of 1,000 workers at Gordon’s factory. The property company had to convert me into renminbi to pay the local government for the land that it had acquired. I went through China’s banking system and ended at the People’s Bank of China as China’s foreign exchange reserves. Before long, an American investment banker showed up and talked about mortgage-backed securities issued by the Instant Home Finance Limited (“IHFL”). “It is 100 basis points above the Treasuries,” the banker emphasized. Who could resist 100 basis points? Before I knew it, the banker took me to the IHFL. On the way back to America, I saw zillions of creatures just like me in a big hurry. They looked terrible. I asked them why they were so unhappy. “One percent!” they cried together, “We are going to London. The hedge funds want to short us.” My stay at IHFL was also brief. It was launching a massive advertising campaign titled “Instant Cash” to encourage people to take advantage of lower interest rates by refinancing their mortgages. As the interest rate had declined by one percentage point, a homeowner could get 10% of the mortgage value in cash back and still make the same payment every month. Believe it or not, Mrs. Jane Smith showed up at IHFL to refinance her mortgage. She didn’t appreciate me that much and took me to the Gig-Mart again. Her hatchback had become a giant SUV. As you would expect, she filled her SUV and I went with Mike to see Gordon again. Gordon, of course, accepted another 15% cut in price. He cut the toilet breaks for his workers again. He even suggested to his workers to drink less water. After a flurry of cost-cutting activities, Gordon managed to keep his profits up. He again went to see his girlfriend. “Oh no,” I thought, “I am going to a property developer next, then the Chinese central bank and then back to the Gig-Mart. Mr. Greenspan, please take me back. My life is just going between the Gig- Mart and Shanghai property. It’s no fun.”