To: rrufff who wrote (18326 ) 4/27/2004 8:33:24 AM From: JakeStraw Respond to of 81568 John Kerry: Everyman Erik Stoehr April 27, 2004 When millionaire Al Gore, donated $353 to charity as vice president in 1997, the thought was that the bar had been set low enough that you could vault over it while rehabbing a broken hip, but Democratic candidate John Kerry managed to do the limbo like a tortilla sucking in it’s stomach: He gave $0 in 1991; $820, 1992; $175, 1993; $2,039, 1994; and $0, 1995. Last year, however, he gave $43,735 to charity from sales of a book he had published (and for the sake of this letter we’ll call the book: “Earth in the Balance II: I’m left of Ted Kaczynski”). Luckily for him some media savvy aide convinced him to donate the money to charity in order to avoid the stain of being a rich, white, self-absorbed, liberal phony like Al Gore who made all the winos at the union gospel mission wear size 44 BVD’s with “A.G.” written in Sharpy on the waistband. But one cannot be judged by displays of classlessness alone. There are public policy positions that have to be viewed for how they affect the greater good - such as proposing tax breaks to lure companies back to America that have moved jobs abroad. A kind of bribe, if you will, to enrich stockholders of said companies, like, uh, Heinz Foods, which having moved 57 of its 80 odd companies overseas, was no doubt just waiting for a glossy-eyed dreamer to dare to dream a dream (and then to dream of cashing the dividend checks in the community property state that he and Teresa lived in.) And speaking of community property… in 1995 when the Heinz and Kerry union was joined they ironically rushed out and bought "The Arrival of Frederick and Elizabeth, Prince and Princess of the Palatinate, at Flushing, 29th April 1613." by the Dutch painter Adam Willaert for $2 million. It was clearly a ratification of their love (no doubt in lieu of the Kyoto Treaty - either that or there was a hold up in the release of “Munsters Go Home” to DVD). Teresa gave half of her half to John (or Johnny-John-John-John-John-John, as she calls him). They sold it in 2003, and the senator profited $175,000 reduced to $145,000 due to offsetting losses (I don’t know what that is but it might have something to do with the gradual disintegration of all matter in the universe). She also gave him half of a multi-million dollar mansion, which he leveraged during the primaries to jumpstart his floundering campaign. But if you were thinking it’s all about him, know that on April 22 while campaigning in West Virginia he was challenged on whether he owned a Chevrolet Suburban, since he supports strict fuel economy standards. His answer: “I don’t own an SUV… the family has it. I don’t have it.” I know how he feels. We have a Suburban too, or rather, the family has it. I don’t have it (I drive a ’94 Skylark). Of course we don’t have a $30 million dollar jet… or to be more exact, the family doesn’t have a $30 million dollar jet.opinioneditorials.com