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Pastimes : Bizarre Press Releases and News Stories -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: StockDung who wrote (15)	5/21/2004 1:43:30 PM
From: Curbstone	Respond to of 824

This Doesn't Taste Like Diesel Fuel Friday, May 21, 2004 A Scottish thief tried to siphon off someone else's diesel fuel — but ended up getting a mouthful of raw sewage instead. John O'Hare, 73, and his wife May, 69, of Glasgow had spent a week touring Scotland in their camper van and had parked at their final stop just a few miles from home, reports the Scottish Daily Record. While they were sound asleep, a thief crept up to their encampment with a plastic hose and fuel container, intending to poach some diesel. He apparently stuck one end in his mouth in order to get the siphon going — and, in the darkness, the other end not into the van's fuel tank, but into its septic chamber. The next morning, the O'Hares stepped outside to find on the ground: the plastic hose; the fuel container; the entire contents of the septic tank; and a puddle of human vomit. "I hope the thief has learned from his experience and given up his evil ways," laughed John O'Hare to the newspaper on Sunday. Also lying on the ground were several pound coins, which O'Hare thinks may have been robbed from a vending machine. He gave the money to charity. "Fortunately for us," said O'Hare, "he was left with a nasty taste in his mouth." — Thanks to Out There readers Staci-Jill S., Nancy H. and Ryan P.

To: StockDung who wrote (15)	5/22/2004 9:11:14 AM
From: StocksDATsoar	Respond to of 824

Updated: 08:09 AM EDT Please, Don’t Phone Home During the Game It Only Makes You Look Silly on TV By RICHARD JUSTICE, AOL Exclusive AP Fans talking on their cell phones at pro sporting events has become an increasingly annoying problem. Do me a favor. Next time you’re at a big league baseball game, put your cell phone away. Put it in your pocket or purse. Turn it off, silence it, do whatever it is you need to do. If you receive a call, return it later, or say something like, “May I call you back?” Just please don’t spend the night with it glued to your ear. Because let me tell you something and this is just between us friends, so don’t take it the wrong way. You look like an idiot. And if you’ve got one of those great seats behind home plate, you really look stupid. You’re also annoying everyone around you, not that you would care much about that. Someone once told a football player who scored a touchdown and celebrated a bit too much to act like he’d been there before. That’s the way it is with cell phones and baseball games. If you find yourself in a good seat, don’t start calling all your friends and telling them to turn on your television sets to see you. Act like you’ve been there before. Act like you’re half interested in the game. Act like you’re paying attention. I first noticed cell phones at baseball games when Oriole Park at Camden Yards opened in 1992. Longtime Oriole season-ticket holders began pointing out how annoying it was that dozens of fans in the best seats -- and they hadn’t seen these people before -- were spending large portions of games chatting on cell phones. They quickly realized these were Washingtonians who’d followed George F. Will and other real fans up I-95 and adopted the Orioles as their team. Actually, they hadn’t. They’d only read the glowing reviews of Camden Yards. They’d heard how it was from another era of ballparks and that an evening there could be enchanting. They heard Orioles season tickets would be good for business. Political careers are enhanced by showing how tuned into the rhythm of America you are. So many people wrote so many wonderful things about Camden Yards that Washingtonians began to buy tickets in larger and larger numbers. Even though they couldn’t pick an Oriole other than Cal Ripken out of a lineup and even though they actually thought the whole thing was a bit boring, they came and came and came. The locals resented the heck out of it. They saw all these nitwits in their polo shirts and dock shoes and wondered why they’d invaded Charm City. Now the craze has caught on in other places, and you can hardly watch a game without seeing some goofball sitting behind home plate holding a cell phone and waving. Do me a favor. Stop it.