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Pastimes : Ask God -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Berry Picker who wrote (37897)	7/6/2004 11:14:06 PM
From: alan w	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 39621

If it makes you feel better - my brother committed suicide on Friday.. My prayers are with you Brian. alan

To: Berry Picker who wrote (37897)	7/6/2004 11:43:09 PM
From: O'Hara	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 39621

Hi Elect, Did you mean psychic or psycho?...(Smile) I am very troubled Brian. And no it does not make me feel better.....of course I know you did not mean it that way. I am so sorry to hear about your brother Brian. Did you know your brother well? Were you on speaking terms? Brian you do not have to answer those questions if you choose not to. I ask only because your statement of his demise was so matter of fact. You seemed a bit detached. I was some what chilled when I read it. Maybe it was me. Again if you care not to respond it's ok. Yes I am still a bit angry at God....but I hold no grudges. God is my best friend and I talk to Him in a way that I do my best friend. I love Him passionately and right now I am passionately angry with him. He is so elusive. So damn elusive! He comes and goes at his pleasure. Blessings and sorrows he bestows upon who and when he wants. I'm getting it now.....I'm finally getting it. For a long time Brian after my son died all I did was shake my fist at him. Only in the last 6 or so months have I begun again to communicate in a civil manner with him. I have resolved to just go about my life and let God go about his. Actually I am really ok with it that way. When I talk to him I expect nothing. If something good should happen to me I thank him.....if something bad should happen in my life...as it did again just 3 weeks ago....I shake my head and ask why....never expecting and answer. I pick up the pieces...they become more and more.... and try to go on. Sometimes I even cry out fo him to help me....and then instantly I hear my heart (what is left of it) whisper, "You've got to do this yourself" Whatever it is. I then look to the heavens...somehow go on. By the way Brian....thanks for not quoting what I already know.....and none of us can understand. Not really! Thanks for the post. Shalom