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Politics : I Will Continue to Continue, to Pretend.... -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Andrew N. Cothran who wrote (3453)	7/12/2004 9:13:02 AM
From: Andrew N. Cothran	Respond to of 35834

THUMB SUCKERS FOR BUSH/CHENEY. New political action group announced. July 12, 2004: 8:28 AM EDT Master Jack Edwards, four-year old son of Democratic candidate for Vice-President, John Edwards, announced this morning that he is forming THUMB SUCKERS FOR BUSH/CHENEY. Master Jack has agreed to serve as Founding Chairman of the group and will serve through the November, 2004 election. Chairman Jack provided a brief summary of the requirements for those seeking membership in his new political action group. 1. First, you must either be or have been a THUMB SUCKER at some time in the past. 2. You must have been reprimanded or otherwise inhibited by an adult, preferably in public, and preferably before your 5th birthday. 3. If your thumb was removed during the reprimand, you must have immediately returned it to its natural abode. In other words, you must have returned your thumb to your mouth as quickly as possible while maintain complete self control and dignified composure. 4. You must agree to commence SUCKING YOUR THUMB during the Democratic National Convention at exactly that moment that John Kerry, the Democratic candidate for President, begins his acceptance speech before the assembled delegates, assuming that he will not postpone his acceptance until after the Republican Convention. 5. You must agree to continue SUCKING YOUR THUMB for as long as Kerry speaks. When he is through speaking, you may remove your thumb. 6. You must agree that you will resume SUCKING YOUR THUMB when John Edwards, the Democratic Candidate for Vice President begins his acceptance speech, once again assuming that your father doesn't delay his speech until after the Republican Convention. When he is through with his acceptance speech, you may remove your thumb from your mouth. 7. THIS IS MOST IMPORTANT: When John Kerry and John Edwards come to center stage on the platform and invite Theresa and Elizabeth to join them, you must watch me (I will be standing up there on stage along with the rest of my clan). At an appropriate moment, (watch me), I will once again begin to SUCK MY THUMB. And, (watch me very carefully) when my dad is not looking at me, I will turn my head in the direction of Theresa while still sucking my thumb. I will then remove my thumb from my mouth and slowly move it upward so that it rests on the point of my nose all the while keeping my four fingers free. When I am looking directly at and facing Theresa, I will then move my four fingers back and forth in a rhythmical fashion for at least 10 seconds. TO BE A MEMBER IN FULL STANDING OF THIS NEW POLITICAL ACTION GROUP TO BE KNOWN AS THUMB SUCKERS FOR BUSH/CHENEY, YOU MUST AGREE WITH ALL OF THE ABOVE REQUIREMENTS. MOREOVER, YOU MUST AGREE THAT YOU WILL PAY CLOSE ATTENTION DURING THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION AND WILL FOLLOW MY LEAD AND DO AS I DO AS CONVENTION EVENTS UNFOLD. If you are in agreement with the above requirements, please signify that agreement by sending me an email addressed as follows: jackedwardschairmanthumbsuckersforbushchaney@democraticnationalcommittee.org