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To: Jeffrey S. Mitchell who wrote (6202)	7/14/2004 1:54:15 AM
From: Bill Ulrich	Respond to of 12465

FBN to Hire Professional Dogwalker; SEC Scrutinizes Agency Efficiency 13 July 2004, 09:00am ET SEDONA, AZ.--(REFERENCE.DELETED WIRE) Mega-Nanotech software consultants, Fly-By-Night Associates (FBN) has a new job opening designed to help prevent employee burnout: an "Organizational Dogwalker." Despite its 4-day work week, plushly furnished 625 sq.ft. cubicles, office wet bars, unlimited expense accounts and virtually no corporate responsibility whatsoever, FBN has announced its intention to hire a $148,000 per year dogwalker for the morale, stress, burn-out and internal conflicts of the company. "When you're employed to expend vast resources to ensure that nothing upsets the industry's equilibrium - you don't need psychological assistance. You need an alternative professional to ease the minds of company staff who worry about their pets; worries that often draw energetic concentration away from the full company effort. In keeping with our corporate philosophy of Mega-Nanotechnology, this is a really big move for the really little people," stated one of the company's directors. "The Congress of the United States has rightfully empowered the SEC to regulate our trading system of capitalism. We want the SEC to know that they don't need to worry about us. None of our financial staff will screw up a 10-K because he was too worried about his dog. Solving mental stresses such as these is our commitment to the markets and our shareholders during this troubled time when the SEC claims it is in need of psychological help. We wouldn't want the SEC to burden itself beyond 4 working days with any concerns about us. We're doing this to help them and ourselves," stated other FBN personnel. Unrelated to these events, the Securities Exchange Commission has replaced its terribly burnt-out, overwhelmed and exhausted staff of accountants and lawyers with — yapping chihuahuas. The move is seen to provide fresh new energy to the beleagured agency, frequently wrought with depression, over-efficiency, doubled budgets and general malaise. These positions were re-purposed and re-populated to help the agency attract and retain employees of the highest caliber," said SEC spokesman John Nester.