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Politics : Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kerry -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: DOUG H who wrote (38253)	7/30/2004 1:06:25 AM
From: Walkingshadow	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 81568

So you wanted to hear more from Teresa, huh? Ask and ye shall receive..... here's more, hot off the press. ================================================ MRS. KERRY MOVED TO SECURE LOCATION Will Remain There Until November 3, Party Officials Confirm The Democratic National Committee confirmed today that Teresa Heinz Kerry, wife of presidential nominee John Kerry, has been moved to a secure undisclosed location and will remain there until November 3, the day after the fall election. In a terse statement released to reporters at the party convention in Boston, the DNC indicated that “Mrs. Kerry has agreed with party officials that she could make her most valuable contributions to the presidential campaign from a soundproof chamber buried miles beneath the earth’s crust.” The DNC would not elaborate on when and how the outspoken Mrs. Kerry made her departure from Boston, but sources said yesterday that the she was spirited away from her hotel under cover of darkness by what are being described as “burly Democratic party goons.” “There was some sort of struggle, a whole lot of swearing, and then nothing,” said one witness. “I think chloroform and a tube sock may have played a role.” Mrs. Kerry’s departure from the campaign occurred just hours after she took great pains to explain why she told a reporter on Monday to “shove it.” “In my native Mozambique, ‘shove it’ is the same as ‘shalom,’” she said. “It means hello, goodbye and peace.” But when a reporter challenged this explanation, she snapped, “You can take a 64-oz bottle of Heinz ketchup and shove it up your ass, douchebag.” Regaining her composure, Mrs. Kerry said that in Mozambique, inviting someone to shove a ketchup bottle up his or her ass was the same thing as saying “Have a nice day.”