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Politics : Politics for Pros- moderated -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Mary Cluney who wrote (57264)	7/31/2004 11:59:08 AM
From: Andrew N. Cothran	Respond to of 793707

Putting your money where your mouth is: 128.255.244.60

To: Mary Cluney who wrote (57264)	7/31/2004 12:05:09 PM
From: LindyBill	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 793707

For me, I look for the holy grail in another way. Mary, have you ever had a loved one addicted to drugs or alcohol? Or a child who decided his path was one of total rebellion and runaway? If you attend Al-anon meetings, an adjunct to AA for those whose loved ones are on drugs or alcohol, they will tell you that you must stop "enabling" these people and let them find their own bottom. We come into the world alone and die alone. If we refuse help, a point comes at which we must come out of it alone. People around you who realize this are using "tough love." The real "tough part is not on the part of the user, although they think it is. The "tough" part is on you, who must have the willpower to let them go. I enabled and enabled a son, and he did not stop his behavior until I quit. As long as I was handing out the bucks, he was insulated from reality. I was the problem. And, boy, was it tough on me to quit.

To: Mary Cluney who wrote (57264)	7/31/2004 1:11:56 PM
From: Lane3	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 793707

Modern psychologists for the most part say that positive reinforement is more effective than negative reinforcement. The truest approach to motivation IMO came from Frederick Herzberg. He called his theory KITA, which stands for kick in the ass. It's pretty simple really. There are positive KITAs and negative KITAs, aka carrots and sticks. Neither of these "motivates" anyone. Rather, it "moves" them. Hold out a carrot and the person will move to the carrot. If you want the person to move again, you need another carrot, and then another. Either that or a stick. Sticks work the same way. One is not particularly better than the other. Motivation, as opposed to movement, comes from within. Systems either foster that natural motivation or they stifle it. Almost all systems stifle motivation, particularly those designed to motivate, ironically. The best thing we can do if want motivated people is get the system out of the way. Take if from this "management professional" for whatever you think it's worth. P.S. Among the many systems I have built are two performance management systems at two federal agencies nearly two decades apart. The first was a merit pay system. The second was pass/fail. I could go on forever about why the latter was more apt than the former, but I'll spare you. <g>

To: Mary Cluney who wrote (57264)	7/31/2004 1:41:58 PM
From: Ilaine	Respond to of 793707

Positive reinforcement is better than negative reinforcement, definitely. Tough love is not the best thing to do from the beginning, it's backup for when you've screwed up. Tough love isn't the same thing as being firm and consistent from the beginning. Think of all the boys that get sent to the military so they will become men. The military has rules for everything, and clearly established consequences for breaking those rules, which may be the first time those boys were ever in that situation. But a well raised boy will become a man without needing to be sent to boot camp. Edit: a lot depends on the personalities in the family, too. Some kids are harder to raise well than others. For example, I have a very strong will so I understand my strong willed boys. Raising them well takes a lot more "muscle" than raising more compliant children, and sometimes it seems like I've screwed up, but lately things have been going well.