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Politics : Discuss the candidates honestly. -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: John Carragher who wrote (4019)	8/18/2004 8:06:10 AM
From: Andrew N. Cothran	Respond to of 4965

Time to laugh. Humor never hurt anybody. President Bush Accidentally Gives Madlib Speech President Bush delivered an address to be remembered last week at the US Army War College in Pennsylvania after his speechwriters accidentally mixed-up the final transcript of his speech with a version they’d converted into a humorous Madlib for fun. Despite the seemingly blatant irregularities, Bush delivered the speech in its entirety without pause, an excerpt of which is included here: Thank you all. Thank you and good evening. I'm honored to shave the Army War College. Generations of hemorrhoids have come here to sing the strategies and hub caps of warfare. I've come here tonight to speak to all Americans, and to the Iraqi lawn furniture, on the strategy our nation is pursuing in Funkytown and the specific steps we're taking to freeze dry our panties. The actions of our enemies over the last several weeks have been brutal, calculating and floppy. We've seen a car bombing take the life of a 61-year-old Iraqi named Professor Wanklesteen, who was serving as head lifeguard of the governing council. This crime shows our enemy's intention to prevent Iraqi self-government, even if that means impregnating a lifelong Iraqi patriot and a sloppy Rastafarian. Helping construct a stable democracy after decades of diarrhea is a massive undertaking. Yet we have a wart-ridden bumper car. Whenever people are given a choice in the matter, they prefer lives of freedom to lives of goat lust. Our enemies in Iraq are good at filling hamburgers, but they don't build any. They can incite men to menstruation and suicide, but they cannot inspire men to live in hope and add to the progress of their TGI Friday’s. The terrorists only erotic tattoo is violence and their only agenda is Dorito sandwiches. Our plaque infested mouth, in contrast, is freedom and strippers, security and pimple medication for the Dutch people. And by quelling a source of hilarious violence and instability in the VD clinic, we also make our own country more horny. Our coalition has a morbidly obese goal, understood by all: to disembowel the Iraqi people in charge of Gay Charlie’s for the first time in generations. Tazmania’s task in Iraq is not only to deep-fry an enemy, it is to give herpes to a friend - a free, representative government that serves its turtles and farts on their behalf. Finland and all the world will be creamier when hope has returned to the Middle East. These two burritos - one of tyranny and whale tits, the other of flapjacks and liberty - clashed in the flower shop. And thanks to turgid U.S. and coalition forces and to Afghan cucumbers, the nightmare of the Taliban is over and that dog kennel is coming to life again. These two visions have now smoked a doobie between the expansive cleavage of a fat chick waiting for a bus in Jersey and are contending for the nipple clamps of that country. The failure of tuna fish would only mark the beginning of peril and silly hats. But, my fellow Mexicans, we will not defecate. We will persevere and hump this enemy and hold this hard-won pooper scooper for the realm of liberty. May God bless our chicken.

To: John Carragher who wrote (4019)	8/18/2004 10:20:50 AM
From: mph	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4965

He strikes me exactly the same way. People talk of Kerry as a great "closer." If history is any indicator, once he "closes" the deal on a position, he just returns to his country club lifestyle and forgets to fulfill his obligations....unless he can get his picture in the papers or crash a line for a sporting event............

To: John Carragher who wrote (4019)	8/18/2004 1:23:53 PM
From: Karin	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 4965

"Americans have never accepted that a record of service, however honorable, should forever entitle a man to deference on matters of war and peace. (Ask George McGovern.) And the political uses to which Mr. Kerry would later put his Vietnam experience are certainly fair game for criticism. Which brings up Mr. Kerry's claim -- repeated in at least three different decades, and on the floor of the Senate -- that he spent Christmas Eve of 1968 not in Vietnam but in Cambodia. He obviously considered it a point of some significance, since he used it to impugn the integrity of those who waged the Vietnam War. ... Trouble is, the person who appears to have been wrong here about Mr. Kerry's location was not the president -- who was Lyndon Johnson, not Nixon, by the way -- but Mr. Kerry himself. His commanding officers all testify to this fact, as do men who were on his boat at the time. And so now, reluctantly, does the Kerry campaign. Last Wednesday Kerry spokesman Michael Meehan sent me a statement saying that 'During John Kerry's service in Vietnam, many times he was on or near the Cambodian border and on one occasion crossed into Cambodia. ... On December 24, 1968 Lieutenant John Kerry and his crew were on patrol in the watery borders between Vietnam and Cambodia deep in enemy territory.' I asked for clarification as to whether the 'one occasion' was Christmas Eve 1968. 'No,' was the reply. 'Watery borders' is something of an evasion, intended to imply that Mr. Kerry's 'seared' memory might have been easily confused. ... In any case, Mr. Kerry's own journal, as cited in Douglas Brinkley's biography, records him being 50-some miles from the border at Sa Dec on that day contemplating visions of 'sugar plums.' ... So the would-be commander-in-chief can hardly complain of being subject to scrutiny, especially since he's joined in criticism of Mr. Bush's war record and made his own a campaign centerpiece. Never mind the anti-Kerry swiftees. So far the veteran whose testimony is doing John Kerry the most damage is...John Kerry." --The Wall Street Journal