CAMBIDIA, SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE: LATEST NEWS
Michael Moore, who earlier bought the reprint and reproduction rights to John Kerry's home movie featuring Kerry's exploits during his four month stint in Vietnam and which premiered at the Democratic National Convention, provides additional details regarding his forthcoming movie: Cambodia, Sex, Lies and Videotape.
Moore, appearing on the Al Franken Dredging for Dollars Radio Network, outlined some of his reproduction plans for the movie and also talked about some of the problems that he is trying to overcome in reformatting, refilming, and releasing this awesomely important film.
Among the more important news which Moore announced is that he plans to rework the original film so that it is projected running backwards. That is, Moore wants to begin his new film at the end of Kerry's original home movie and then rerun the entire thing backwards.
THIS WILL INSURE THAT IT WILL HAVE A HAPPY ENDING.
In other words, by running the original film backwards, Moore's new film will end where it began. And since nothing will have happened, Kerry will be happy. Since nothing happened, Kerry has no need to defend or explain anything. Nor will he need to rewrite any of the original script because it will rewrite itself as the movie progresses from its end, now the beginning, back to the beginning which is now the end.
"Perfect!" exuded Moore to an admiring audience of Hollywood's fading stars and the few news reporters hired by Soros to attend Moore's news conference. "Perfect," he repeated. "Since my new movie, Cambodia, Sex, Lies and Videotape will present all events that actually occurred and some of them that didn't, we don't need to edit. The film edits itself. And when we get to the new end which is now the new beginning we can review what has not yet happened and what we want the audience to believe did happen and we can then insert what we want the audience to believe in the new backward running version wherever and whenever we believe it is necessary and important."
"Well, what about the Cambodia part?" one obviously improperly briefed novice reporter innocently asked.
"What do you mean about the Cambodia part?" Moore replied, contemptuously and obviously angered by the question.
"Well, your title is Cambodia, Sex, Lies and Videotape. But Kerry's DNC premier did not mention Cambodia."
Moore answered, now somewhat more in control of himself.
"Well, that's simple and at the same time hard. The simple part is that we are in the process of completing our plans to film that event as it is reinacted. We have to find time when Kerry can leave the campaign trail long enough to return to Cambodia. We must film the reinactment in exactly that place where the event occurred to achieve verisimilitude, you know. We can't fake it."
"Well, what's the hard part?" the somewhat naive cub reporter sheepishly asked.
Well, Moore explained, his anger rising: "We are having a hell of a lot of trouble finding one, even one, Special Ops veteran, or Navy Seal veteran, or CIA agent who was there when Kerry ferried those American spies behind the lines to get the goods on those vile Viet Cong enemy soldiers. But we are still looking hard. If it comes to it, we will just have to go to the local Army-Navy store out here in LA and buy some old uniforms and hire somebody who looks old enough to play the part (remember this was back there in 1969) and we can then dress him up, fly him out to Cambodia along with Kerry, (might have to get a Kerry look a like who is young enough to play the part) and we'll just shoot the new footage to suit ourselves. Then we will insert this new film into the old (that is now projected backwards, remember) and it will be so seamless that even the most ardent right-wing nut case in the Repub Party will be deceived."
"When do you plan to release Cambodia, Sex, Lies and Videotape, Mr. Moore."
Michael smiled and replied: "Well, we wanted to release it just before the November 2 election. We know what a tremendous impact it will have on the young, the uninformed, the misinformed, the mentally deficient, the Hollywood hanger-ons, and all those disgruntled Independents who might be tending to vote for Bush following his remarkable performance at the Republican National Convention.(By the way, I do want to applaud Bush and the Republicans for a smashing production. I know enough about movies to applaud a good one when I see it.)"
"Now what was your question. I got carried away." Michael looked at the young, naive cub reporter, the one who had not been properly briefed.
The reporter responded, again sheepishly. "I asked you when you plan to release your new movie Cambodia, Sex, Lies and Videotape."
Michael smiled churlishly. "I doubt that we can get it all done before the election. I am really sorry about that. You know why? In all honesty, it may mean that Kerry will lose to Bush. After all, you can understand that can't you? The effects of my first classic Farenheit 9/11 will have faded by November. Those wishy-washy voters will be tending to float back over to the Republican side after that smashing New York Convention, and I will not have had a chance to woo them back to the Democratic side because of my inability to get this masterpeice Cambodia, Sex, Lies and Videotape out there to an admiring audience, a true band of brothers and sisters, before they go into the voting booth."
"But, hey, man, no sweat!" Michael continued. "Just think. John Kerry will have all the time in the world to help me promote my new film once I release it after the November vote is in. Just think of all those admiring hordes who will surge forth for Kerry's signature (and also my signature) at those wonderful parties we will have accross this great country of ours. We are planning multiple premiers in every major city in the country. Kerry will join at each of them. We are going to have a blast."
"I can tell you now," Moore concluded, ending his press conference:
With Kerry and me, it doesn't really matter what might happen in the future, whether it favors our cause or not. Because both of us have this amazing talent: If it doesn't turn out the way we want it to, we just change our story around a bit and make it do what we want it to do.
And if we are still having trouble with our audience and that audience' perception of the truth, whey, then, we can just play everything backwards. In other words, if we can't successfully manage the ending of our stories, then we can go back to the beginning which is now the end and change everything up front before it happens."
"Understand?"
Moore's new film, based on the continuing exploits of John F. Kerry, is still in production. The schedule for its release is not known at this time. But stay tuned.
This is a developing story.
Press conference dialogue printout is courtesy of the Al Franken Dredging for Dollars Radio network, the intellectually poor people's response to Rush Limbaugh. |
