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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?


To: Kenneth E. Phillipps who wrote (606649)8/20/2004 10:19:10 AM
From: Thomas A Watson  Respond to of 769670
 
You can sent them a check for a million bucks. kerry is dead meat. But I am certain the ACT will accept you latest check for a buck. LOL...



To: Kenneth E. Phillipps who wrote (606649)8/20/2004 10:27:11 AM
From: Andrew N. Cothran  Respond to of 769670
 
Bill OF RIGHTS UNDERGOES REWRITE, ASHCROFT DENIES MATRIX RUMORS

01/30/04 OCEANIA

Using a little-known provision in the Patriot Act, Attorney General John Ashcroft announced today that the Bill of Rights has been "slightly modified in order to better reflect America's role in the Twenty-first Century." (RealStory @ sanfranchronicle.com)

The new and improved version of the first ten amendments to the US Constitution will go into effect immediately by executive order.

The full text of the new Bill of Rights appears below, released this morning to the world's major news outlets, and to RealStupidNews.com.

President Bush is keeping mum on the issue, and in a top secret memo leaked to our RealStupid White House reporter, he has told all White House staff that leaks regarding the new version will not be tolerated.

In a carefully worded Justice Department statement accompanying the text, Attorney General Ashcroft denies rumors that the federal government has entered into an agreement with Microsoft mogul Bill Gates to secretly install invisible intelligence gathering software on virtually every computer in the world.

"There is no attempt by this government, or by any covert shadow government which may or may not have been established by this government, to create a global surveillance matrix by secretly installing invisible intelligence gathering software on virtually every computer in the world," Ashcroft proclaims. "There is no surveillance matrix. Go about your business as usual."

A series of worms and viruses that recently swept across the Internet has critics of Ashcroft and the Patriot Act concerned, however.

"Think about it," whispers a former CIA computer hacking consultant who would only speak on condition of complete anonymity. "They release these worms and viruses as a cover. They use Microsoft's near monopoly on operating systems to insert invisible intelligence gathering software on all our computers. Then they sit and listen.

"Orwell was wrong. Big Brother isn't watching you, he's watching your computer. And his name is Bill Gates."

Ironically, it was exactly twenty years ago that Microsoft's old rival, Apple Computer, used the Super Bowl to launch an ad campaign based on the all-powerful and all-knowing "Big Brother" from George Orwell's classic anti-big government novel 1984. (RealStory @ usatoday.com)

"I'm not suggesting that Bill Gates is Big Brother," suggests Apple co-founder and CEO Steve Jobs. "But unless you want that greasy weasel Gates's four reptilian eyes staring at you from your computer screen every time you turn it on, and reporting everything you do back to his overlords in Washington, well, there's only one thing to do.

"Buy an Apple."

©2004 RealStupidNews.com