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Politics : Proof that John Kerry is Unfit for Command -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: American Spirit who wrote (1522)	8/20/2004 11:33:19 AM
From: Andrew N. Cothran	Respond to of 27181

TV CAUSES ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER IN KIDS, SHALLOWNESS IN ADULTS 04/06/04 SEATTLE, Washington A study involving over a thousand American preschoolers suggests that heavy television viewing by young children causes Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) and concludes that children under two shouldn't watch any television at all. (RealStory @ apnews.com) Interviewed by our RealStupid reporter at his Hollywood home, Barney the purple dinosaur called the study "a load of crap" and threatened to "sue the shit out of those rat bastards." The Care Bears and the Teletubbies, who were visiting Barney at the time, backed their purple friend with a variety of vulgar gestures including some aggressive gang-inspired crotch-grabbing. The elderly wife of the late Fred Rogers was equally outraged by the study, though she did admit that "the downward spiral from Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood to Pee Wee's Playhouse is a fucking shame. Sorry, Fred dear, but it's true." A RealStupid investigation lent credence to the study when an attempt to interview several children at the Nickelodeon network's Kids Choice Awards failed, possibly due to ADD, or perhaps because they had overdosed on hip hop star Nelly's suggestively named energy drink, Pimp Juice. In a disturbing vote, Nelly was later chosen Best Male Singer by the nation's children despite recent protests of his racy videos, which include an image of the rapper sliding a credit card down the butt crack of a woman. (RealStory @ mtv.com) In an even more disturbing vote, Hilary Duff was chosen Best Female Singer despite not being a singer. (RealStory @ nickelodeon.com) In a related study, researchers found that heavy television viewing by adults promotes chronic shallowness and materialism, potentially leading the nation towards decadence and decline. The irrefutable evidence: professional wrestling. Reality television. And Geraldo Rivera. ©2004 RealStupidNews.com