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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: bentway who wrote (606744)	8/20/2004 11:56:22 AM
From: Andrew N. Cothran	Respond to of 769670

JOHN KERRY DENIES, ADMITS FLIP FLOPPING ON THE ISSUES 03/02/04 ATLANTA, Georgia Massachusetts Senator and presumptive Democrat nominee John Kerry denied taking both sides on the critical issues in the 2004 election today while admitting taking both sides on the critical issues in the 2004 election today. "I both have and have not both denied and admitted taking both one side and the other on the war in Iraq; gay marriage; the Patriot Act; the Israeli security fence; and special interest money," Kerry told our RealStupid reporter outside The Tabernacle concert hall in downtown Atlanta. "The complexity AND simplicity of the issues requires a nuanced AND straightforward approach," Kerry insisted while sipping tea and sporting a giant hat. "I'm neither taking both sides on the issues NOR issuing both sides on the take." (RealStory @ telegraph.co.uk) Confronted with his votes in favor of the Iraq war and the Patriot Act, both of which he now apparently opposes, Kerry checked his pocketwatch and declared, "To mean what you say and to say what you mean are NOT the same thing." Reporters assembled outside the venue felt dreadfully puzzled by Kerry's rhetoric, which, according to ace reporter Carroll Dodgson of the London Looking Glass, "seemed to have no discernable meaning, and yet it was certainly English." Kerry overheard Dodgson's barb, leading to a brief game of verbal jujitsu. With a raised eyebrow, Kerry coyly requested that Dodgson ask him more questions. Dodgson replied, "But I haven't asked you anything yet, so I couldn't possibly ask you more." To which Kerry responded, "You mean you couldn't possibly ask me any LESS, as it's very easy to ask MORE than nothing, but very impossible to ask LESS than nothing." Kerry, clearly fed up with the dubious logic of the reporters, then pulled a dormouse out of his pocket, kicked a Cheshire Cat scurrying past, and disappeared down a rabbit hole. ©2004 RealStupidNews.com