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Politics : Proof that John Kerry is Unfit for Command -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: American Spirit who wrote (1581)	8/20/2004 12:36:01 PM
From: Andrew N. Cothran	Respond to of 27181

FBI WANTS BACK DOOR INTO YOUR COMPUTER, REALSTUPID OPENS COLON INSTEAD 03/16/04 J EDGAR HOOVER BLDG., Washington, DC The FBI has requested that America's Internet service providers be required to open a so-called "back door" allowing law enforcement to secretly monitor all of your online communications. (RealStory @ news.com) RealStupid, an outspoken critic of the federal government and the publisher of this website, has offered to go well beyond the request by inviting federal authorities six feet deep inside his colon. "Ironically, I was scheduled for a colonoscopy the very day the FBI made this unprecedented request," RealStupid chuckles. "It just seemed natural to open my own back door to those honorable protectors of our Constitution." The far-reaching powers requested by the FBI would give law enforcement officials free access to each and every form of online communication and would outlaw any future services that lack the gaping back door the feds find so desirable. FBI spokesman Lionel Coward admitted that the Bureau "regrets the use of the 'back door' metaphor" but insisted that the government would succeed in "gaining access to every online portal there is, right down to your teenager's Xbox. Er, make that PlayStation." Coward also noted that such sweeping rear access is "right up J. Edgar Hoover's alley. Damn, that doesn't sound right either." (RealSorry @ fbi.gov) Sadly, the American people are expected to bend over and quietly acquiesce to the government's demands. ©2004 RealStupidNews.com