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Politics : Proof that John Kerry is Unfit for Command -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: ChinuSFO who wrote (2592)	8/24/2004 5:52:49 PM
From: Andrew N. Cothran	Respond to of 27181

PRESIDENT BUSH PERFORMS FOR AMERICAN IDOL PANEL 04/13/04 WATERLOO, Alabama President Bush practiced his speaking skills before a panel of professional critics this morning in preparation for what promises to be an acrimonious press conference slated for 8:30 EST this evening. Bush's performance was scheduled in anticipation of some tough questions concerning Iraq, where despite the heaviest fighting of the year-old war, the president insists that "Things have improved." And so just before noon, in a secure sound studio in northern Alabama, the president performed a spirited spoken-word rendition of The Yellow Rose of Texas for American Idol critics Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul, and the abrasive Englishman, Simon Cowell. Here is a transcript of their responses: Randy Jackson: Aiiiiiit, dogg, 'sup man? Man, I gotta tell ya, man, that wasn't your best performance. A little bit pitchy, man. Just no soul there at all. Sorry, man. Paula Abdul: You know, Mr. President, you really showed a lot of, uh, courage by coming out here, and I want you to know I really, really respect you for that. I think you look great, by the way, just fantastic. But, I gotta agree with Randy, a little pitchy, I just didn't think you really went for it, you know? But you look great. And courageous. Good job. Simon Cowell (pauses, crosses arms): So. The crown was handed down from your father, eh? Honestly, George, that was the best argument I've ever heard against freedom of speech. Your facial expressions are ludicrous; you look like you're constipated, or stupid. Or stupid and constipated. And your voice hasn't the slightest hint of nuance. Not...one...iota. Neither has your philosophy, I'm afraid. The very idea that you earned this audience is absurd. If it weren't for Mr. Murdoch, you wouldn't be on this stage at all. Period. You should be running a mediocre baseball team somewhere hot and dusty, that's what I think. I'm afraid this is as far as you're going, George. You were lucky to make it this far. It's the end of the road for you. Pack your bags. And don't steal any silverware on your way out. The FOX Network declined to comment on the incident, as did the White House. British Prime Minister Tony Blair, however, immediately apologized for Cowell's remarks, though he did agree that the president was a bit pitchy. ©2004 RealStupidNews.com