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Politics : Just the Facts, Ma'am: A Compendium of Liberal Fiction -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Selectric II who wrote (19183)	10/20/2004 10:36:50 PM
From: Alan Smithee	Respond to of 90947

Unless the Red Sox melt down in the next 4 innings, looks like they might be headed for breaking Babe's Curse.

To: Selectric II who wrote (19183)	10/20/2004 10:37:24 PM
From: sandintoes	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 90947

I wish I could... read this...this guy is great! Farmer File Last candidate standing Tuesday, October 19, 2004 11:37 AM EDT We need one more presidential campaign debate. Wait. Hear me out before you run screaming into Georgia 400 traffic or pick a gorilla to wrestle at Zoo Atlanta or some other peril you'd prefer, to watching another Bush-Kerry TV smack-down. We need a final TV debate because: It'll be more interesting, now that faith healing has become an issue. Sen. Edwards said, "...when John Kerry is president, people like Christopher Reeve will get up out of that wheelchair and walk again," so we assume Bush and Kerry would be joined on stage next time by Jimmy Swaggart, Benny Hinn and Oral Roberts. They could toss newly unnecessary wheelchairs, walkers, canes and crutches off the stage and into the audience. Just don't hit the designated moderator, the Amazing Randi, who makes big bucks debunking faith healers. Another debate, also in the spirit of John Edwards' ambulance chasing, could feature jokes by late night laugh-meisters, Leno and Letterman. For example: "Bush wants to show that John Kerry is confused. You know you're in trouble when you're running against George Bush and you're the one who looks confused." -- David Letterman. "Kerry's people advise him to keep it simple. They say Kerry always gets the biggest pay off when he uses the shortest sentences. Like when he said 'I do.'" --Jay Leno This debate could be patterned after the Lincoln-Douglas debates in 1858. They each lasted three hours. Abe and Steve alternated going first with an hour speech. The other would speak for 90 minutes, then 30 minutes more for the first talker. Could Bush-Kerry drone on that long and leave one single American awake, including their spouses? We'd all get a good night's sleep and awake fresh, ready to convince the 10 percent of Americans still undecided to make up their #&%#@ minds. How could anybody with an eggplant's IQ still not have chosen? Fox News Channel obviously isn't anguishing over whom to support. CNN, CBS, ABC and NBC never had a doubt. They're still amazed they couldn't pry Al Gore into the White House. The final debate should have no moderator and no studio audience. Bush/Kerry would be on stage, joined just for viewer ratings purposes by Cheney/Edwards, Bush and Kerry would question each other and snarl smart retorts. Ground rules - Kerry would pledge never to wave his arms as if he were signing for the hearing impaired. Bush would promise not to call Kerry a liberal weenie.* After the ticket toppers each answered a question, Cheney and Edwards would have 15 minutes each to lash out. Nostalgic swearing and demagoguery would be encouraged. No little colored lights, buzzers or stun guns would be used, but if any candidate goes over his time, all lights and sound would be turned off for two minutes. When the lights and microphones go back on, we'll see who's left standing. He wins. No spin. It's Last Candidate Standing. Then we'll all go beat up the "undecideds." Don is a former news anchor for CNN and WSB-TV here and a former ABC News Atlanta bureau chief. Email: don@donfarmer.com thecrier.net