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To: GraceZ who wrote (24986)11/2/2004 3:39:32 AM
From: Elroy JetsonRespond to of 306849
 
I really didn't care how many chips she had. I just wish she could have collected them without involving me.

I was just observing that I don't find it easy to work with addicts / alcoholics even after they've been sober for years.

At least when they drink excessively you're usually put on notice by their behaviour and you know what you're dealing with. But sober alcoholics are in stealth mode. They often, or at least sometimes, exhibit the same behavior and thinking without the benefit of drinking.

A few of these characteristics are worth noting: incorrect perception of risk; inability to admit mistakes; grandiosity; a peculiar focus on image over substance.

This woman exhibited the entire list and then some.

We ran a simple low-key 501(c)3 which funds medical research. It provides a no-cost conduit for donors to provide funding for researchers or research they find promising. Occasionally we would introduce researchers to potential donors.

This woman constantly pushed for us to hold "Galas" and mailings etc - those twisted features of the non-profit world we wanted no part of which eat up a large percentage of money raised. We explained to her that if people wanted dinner and entertainment to induce them to donate money for research they could go elsewhere. She would not give up, always with some new scheme more bizarre and involved than those that preceded them. I was thrilled the day we all received her letters of resignation. We called each other in glee! We went out for a celebratory dinner!

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To: GraceZ who wrote (24986)11/2/2004 4:43:34 AM
From: Elroy JetsonRead Replies (1) | Respond to of 306849
 
After I wrote than note I recalled one other trait I've found common among alcoholics / addicts whether using or sober.

Black and White thinking. Things are either good or bad, right or wrong. There a complete lack of nuance

Some of the research funded by donations which passed through our 501(c)3 non-profit, particularly in gene therapy, could not have received IRB approvals (let alone FDA approvals) and as such was not strictly legal.

On the advice of counsel, our board needed to assure that the money donated went to a "charitable purpose" but we are not obliged by any law to ensure that the research funded was "legal". The burden of proof for "legal" falls on the research scientist.

We had only one board member who had a problem, a constant annoying problem, with donations which might fall into this area. Guess who. She would get her mind fixed on some concept, unfounded by reality, and harp on it over and over like some dog with her juicy new bone. You just wanted to shoot yourself rather than listen to her any longer. Prior to asking her to leave we only dealt with her by mail or messenger.

Her husband is a senior partner at our law firm, so you can see perhaps how this situation came to be - we all like her husband. Maybe he figured the more he involved her in other activities the less time he'd have to spend dealing with her himself.

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