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Politics : Politics for Pros- moderated -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Ilaine who wrote (82858)	11/2/2004 5:31:29 PM
From: Ilaine	Respond to of 793791

>>We await their arrival By Gary Dunford BUSH DODGERS: "Let us in!" beg two guys at the Canadian border in a rusty Civic. "If Bush wins tonight, all is lost! Give us political asylum! New hope, a new life! Canadian dudeship!" "Have you eaten your passports?" asks an amused immigration officer. "For better service, choke down everything in your wallets. But aren't you early? Polls are open. The count hasn't started yet." "Save me, man," pleads the taller guy in his 30s. "We gotta get out now! If Bush wins tonight, ANYTHING could happen! Will he seal the border? Invade Iran? Ban maple syrup? Sell PBS? Lock Dan Rather and Bruce Springsteen forever in Dick Cheney's secret bunker?" The immigration dude eyeballs a noisy interview two booths down. Is that Alec Baldwin? Naw. Couldn't be. "We're your new wave of political refugees," says the short guy. "Came early to beat the rush. I'm sick of colour alerts and corporate kleptocracy. We're on the run from Crazy Town. Come outside, I'll show you our U-Haul. Settlers' effects. We brought our own Cheet-os and bottled water." "Seems a little premature," scowls the agent, pulling out two forms. "Are you truly fearful? Is this a serious political refugee application?" "Don't you get it?" Tall Guy cries. "This ain't just another election! A Bush re-elect will make my brain explode. Pink drool will ooze out my ears. George back for four more? We can't take it! Dubya's not cute-crazy like Mel Lastman. He's whoop-dee-doo, battery-operated, killed-me-an-armadillo Texas crazy!" "You know Mel Lastman?" asks the officer. "We were up for a convention back when you had moose statues standin' around Toronto," says the short refugee. "A few of us got invited in for a goofy moose photo-op in Mel's office. We told him: 'Dammit, Mel. Forget the moose. Decorate the homeless.'" "Need a reference?" nods Tall Guy. "Mel's our man." "Mel ain't mayor no more," sez immigration's gatekeeper. "Toronto got a new guy. Taller. Better haircut." "See?" hisses the short one. "Mel flipped out that day. You could tell by his eyes. Whacko. So what happens now, sir? Where do we convert our money? Get that maple leaf flag for our backpacks? Does every refugee get a free parka?" "Ya can't walk into Canada and just set up a pad," says immigration guy. "You Bush-dodgers may have to stay in a hotel a few months while we review your refugee claims. Want anything from room service?" "Damn," says Tall Guy. "Canada is so kewl." "If your refugee claim is approved, you could become landed immigrants, the first step towards citizenship. There'll be more forms. A lot of questions. There's a point system. You're young, you get points. You got a skill Canada needs, you get points. Plumbers yeah, farmers not so much. Speak English or French, 10 points." "Bonjour," sez Tall Guy. "I swear we're not just comin' for the cheap prescription drugs." "Look over there," his pal sez, nodding down a long line of Welcome to Canada interview drive-thrus. "Could we hurry this up?" begs his short bud. "I don't want to be anywhere near a TV set when Wolf Blitzer goes ballistic at 10 p.m. The red states, the blue states, angry voters who never got counted, ones who got counted twice. CNN and the nets will be in full fugue state. Hysteria." "Exit polls!" whimpers Tall Guy. "Elected or leadings! Projections! Trouble at the polls! Oh my god, poor Ketchup Boy gets whumped." "Then come the lawyers," his pal agrees. "That Bush TV ad with wolves runnin' outta the forest? They ain't terrorists. They're lawyers." "And a new videotape from Osama on tomorrow's Good Morning America," nods Tall Guy. "I swear I hear from bin Laden more than my mother. Look! There's Michael Moore!" Stamp, stamp. Two clicks of CLEARED and the Civic dudes are get seats on immigration's Intake Express. "HEY!" yells immigration guy, spotting a blonde in a BMW. "Morgan Fairchild! Booth 24! Over here!" canoe.ca

To: Ilaine who wrote (82858)	11/2/2004 5:33:00 PM
From: Sig	Respond to of 793791

Checked Vegas odds on Bush vs Kerry 1/1 on Kerry, 4/5 on Bush Then I read these odds are derived from 125 newspapers across country, and guess which way those are slanted.? Vegas will clean up the table and rake in 10% of every dollar bet when Bush wins. So I figure those odds are no good as predictors either. SIg

To: Ilaine who wrote (82858)	11/2/2004 8:36:28 PM
From: KLP	Read Replies (4) \| Respond to of 793791

Voting about 10 this morning was easy here too. Between early AM and noon hour was a good time. All booths were filled, and maybe one or two in line for each of the cubicles... However, that didn't matter, because the ballots were the pen and paper fill in the oval type. LOTS of items to vote on, but was in and other of there in 20 minutes. Did have a disturbing view of the kids ideas of political posters though. Evidently the Middle School kids are having their own election, and their own candidates. Their big posters show four main parties, and various platforms they espouse. VERY liberal ideas these 7th and 8th graders. Pro abortion, Pro leaving Iraq, Pro legalizing "pot", etc. No political names, only the kids names who were running for their various parties. Couldn't help but wonder how much their teachers are putting into their minds, or if they were actually reading the liberal Seattle Times, and PI....or were they listening and reading from MTV.com. ??? Chatted with a young woman at the bank later. She maybe 21-22 or so. Said her age kids were all excited to vote. Long story on how I got her to tell me she was voting for Kerry....not because she likes him, but she bought into the scare that the "other party" would take away Roe vs Wade... She said all of her friends were so excited to know about all the issues. No, she hadn't even heard anything about the OBL tape, nor translation. (She works till 6 every day....:/ But she did allow as to how MTV gave her and her friends both sides of the issues. I haven't had the time nor the nerve to check it yet today.