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Pastimes : NNBM - SI Branch -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: elpolvo who wrote (38688)	12/20/2004 3:39:23 AM
From: Clappy	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 104202

Mr. Foxworthy, don't tell anyone but i'm actually half redneck. Don't tell anybody but I'm the other half. I can check off quite a few of these... You might be a Clappy if: Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen. You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi. You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company Your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister. Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back. You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, 'Bout What?' You think Genitalia is an Italian airline. Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction. If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you're shur'nuff a redneck. You think Possum is "The Other White Meat" You carried a fishing pole into Sea World. You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop. The centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist. You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels. Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed. You think safe sex is a padded headboard. You think subdivision is part of a math problem. You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family. You may be a Redneck if ... You and your dog use the same tree. You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida. You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner. You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law. You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'. You think the OJ Trial was a Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test. You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 8-tracks. You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay. Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow. But she can't touch it until she's fourteen. Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed. The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell." You've ever had to scratch your sisters name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call..." You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She lernt to readin'. You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph. You can get dog hair from out of your belly button. You have a bumper sticker that says, "MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH." You take a six-pack cooler to church. Your family tree has no forks. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture. You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures. You use a weedeater in your living room. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison. You have a rag for a gas cap. The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it. The third grade teacher says little Bubba could be a mathematical genius because he's got thirteen fingers. Fifth grade was the best six years of your life. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge. A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack. One of your kids was born on a pool table. You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle. Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade. Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards. Down where you come from reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard. On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor. You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood". If you refer to the fifth grade as, "your senior year". Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds. You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars. You just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck. You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor. It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it. You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray. Your pickup has a two-tone paint job -- primer red and primer gray. Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there is a law against it. You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado. -LarryTheCableGuy