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Politics : Just the Facts, Ma'am: A Compendium of Liberal Fiction -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: mph who wrote (28224)	2/4/2005 9:25:49 AM
From: epicure	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 90947

When Laz tells me what I need to do to get him to stop posting about me I will be gone. He invited me to come over here. I am here. Now all I want is for him to tell me what I need to do in order to get him to stop posting about me. I will be very pleased to leave as soon as he does that. I am sorry you think I am whining. I am genuinely upset by what has happened. I don't know what else to do about it. I've tried ignoring it for years, and it hasn't helped. I am looking for a solution.

To: mph who wrote (28224)	2/4/2005 9:36:58 AM
From: Rainy_Day_Woman	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 90947

actually I think wine in the morning is a sign I liked this article, a humorous read Cooking up a catchphrase Ellis Henican February 4, 2005 Instead of "You're fired!" - how 'bout "You're toast!?" Actually, that's not quite right, is it? Too culinary. Same problem with, "You got burned!" If Martha Stewart is going to have her own reality TV show, she needs her own signature out-of-here line, something snappy and original to bark at the loser each week. She can't fall back on her old favorite expression, "It's a good thing," which is far too cheery for the vicious world of reality TV. And she can't just steal Donald Trump's trademark command, even if she is a convicted felon now. "She's probably going to use a different expression," Trump said the other day in a tone that sounded awfully like relief. Martha needs something plucked from her own celebrity bio, something truly condescending and mean. And given where she's been the last five months, she should probably step outside the kitchen this time and get cellblock real. That's right, she needs a prison-worthy eviction phrase. She can't just shiv the loser. And references to the electric chair are probably a little harsh for a TV show, even one in prime time on NBC. That's why I like, "Send this punk to the hole." At which point in that evening's episode of "The Apprentice: Martha Stewart," the unfortunate contestant will be ordered to scrub toilets with a toothbrush, eat nasty prison grub and be assigned a large and amorous bunkmate who goes by the name Earline. How's that any worse than the stuff they make 'em do on "Fear Factor?" Because, let's face it, Martha Stewart is a whole lot more than a Connecticut-caterer-turned-domestic-diva now. She's a Connecticut-caterer-turned-domestic diva who's done actual federal prison time. How many Connecticut-caterers-turned-domestic-divas can say that? After serving her sentence at the legendary Federal Prison Camp in Alderson, W.Va., also known quite unjustly as Camp Cupcake, federal inmate number 55170-054 can't be ushering her losers out with some wimpy Trump-style brush-off phrase. "Oh, I'm fired?" one of Donald's losers is sure to tell him some week soon. "I didn't want to work for a bankrupt gambling mogul anyway. What kind of business genius loses money in a casino - when he's the house?" Martha's an ex-con now, or will be anyway next month when she gets out of prison and begins her TV production schedule and 5 long months of mansion arrest, which is kinda like house arrest but with nicer bathroom fixtures and thicker carpet. Doing time still means something, right? Martha is making her new show with reality-TV whiz Mark Burnett, who is the real genius of the genre. Burnett's the guy who created "Survivor," which launched this whole reality-TV craze. Before teaming up with Martha, he turned an overexposed New York real-estate man with funny-looking hair into the genre's biggest star. That takes producing talent, obviously. And now he's about to work his prime-time magic on Martha. Cast member tryouts begin today in New York, Houston and Detroit - with 24 other cities to come. Sixteen to 18 people will compete on the show. They'll be tested at various household and media-world tasks. The winner will get a one-year job at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia that pays $250,000. Filming will begin as early as March. Saying Martha's time in prison is not going to be "a focus of the show," Burnett conceded that it can't exactly be ignored either. "It happened," he said. "It was an experience." Beyond those basics, the hotshot producer is leaving most other questions unanswered. Questions like, Is there nothing someone won't do to be on TV? Questions like: What kinds of stunts will the contestants be asked to perform? How many license plates can you make in an hour? How quickly can you tie a bunch of Kmart towels into a makeshift escape ladder? Who can find the missing bar of soap on the shower floor? Questions like: Does anyone really want to work for Martha Stewart, after all the horror stories Martha's past apprentices have told? It would be embarrassing to have the winner say: "Ah, on second thought, I don't want the job. You can keep the 250-thou. Just give me a refrigerator full of frozen food. We'll call it even, OK?" Ah, reality.