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Pastimes : NNBM - SI Branch -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Clappy who wrote (42862)	4/19/2005 9:55:13 AM
From: altair19	Read Replies (2) \| Respond to of 104191

Clapper, Sent to me by a friend........ altair19 Australians seem to have a delicious sense of humor, don't they. >After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. >Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked P) and the solutions recorded (marked S) by maintenance engineers. >By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident. >... Enjoy! >P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. >S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. >P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. >S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. >P: Something loose in cockpit. >S: Something tightened in cockpit. >P: Dead bugs on windshield. >S: Live bugs on back-order. >P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. >S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. >P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. >S: Evidence removed. >P: DME volume unbelievably loud. >S: DME volume set to more believable level. >P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. >S: That's what they're for. >P: IFF inoperative. >S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. >P: Suspected crack in windshield. >S: Suspect you're right. >P: Number 3 engine missing. >S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. >P: Aircraft handles funny >S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. >P: Target radar hums. >S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. >P: Mouse in cockpit. >S: Cat installed. >And the best one for last... >P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. >S: Took hammer away from midget