To: American Spirit who wrote (42681 ) 4/22/2005 3:19:41 PM From: Glenn Petersen Respond to of 173976 Scientific Study III: Scientists Develop “Gaydar Detector” Written by susan allen-rosario San Francisco, California – Scientists in the bay area have developed, what they say, is the world’s first “Gaydar Detector.” “Gay friends of mine, have told me for years that they have ‘Gaydar’, and can tell most of the time, if someone is gay or not. I never believed them, but the thought of ‘Gaydar’ intrigued me. I got several of my colleagues interested and we developed a Gaydar detector and satellite transmitter system,” related Dr. Bruce Tarangi. While he was not willing to share exactly how the detector works, he did say it has three ratings: gay, straight and undecided. “We hope it will help couples in the dating and mating process. Some people are just too shy to ask… are you gay or straight? The clinical research we have done shows a 98.6% success rate in being able to detect a person’s sexual preference correctly, using the device. We have found, however, that single people are not the only ones interested in using our machine. Fundamentalist religious parents are buying it to detect gay people and keep their children away from them. Fundamentalist leaders say it is their goal to warn their followers of the presence of gay people, so they can adequately protect themselves. “We believe that being ‘gay’ is a matter of personal choice. We do not accept the popular view that one is ‘born gay’. When asked how they felt about Vice-President Dick Cheney’s openly gay daughter, they said, ‘She’s different, we know her and besides, she’s a Republican.” Several “survival” techniques are being taught by fundamental zealot parents to their children should their personal Gaydar detector happen to go off. The techniques are as follows: 1. Duck and cover – This will prevent any of the gay persons “mind penetrating rays” to get into the brain. 2. Dodge and weave – A temporary protective posture to eliminate any possibility of inappropriate touching by the gay person. 3. Run, screaming from the room. (A last resort tactic.) This technique is very effective when all others fail, but a little noisy. Scientists say that this use of the device is not what they had in mind when they created it. “If these people spent as much time promoting love as they do promoting hate, the world would be a beautiful place.” <snip>thespoof.com