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Pastimes : Things That Amuse Me -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Rainy_Day_Woman who wrote (12029)	5/23/2005 10:17:31 PM
From: Rainy_Day_Woman	Respond to of 12669

Andy Rooney goes on tirade, plug pulled on segment-- network narrowly avoids millions in FCC fines Written by Doug Powers Andy Rooney, famous for his short commentaries that appear at the end of the long running "60 Minutes" program on CBS, has been fired after launching into what can only be described as a controversial and obcene tirade. The good news for CBS is that they pulled the plug on Rooney's segment before the most damaging comments would have aired. Friends and family have long been concerned that Rooney may be mentally slipping, but are now convinced there is a problem. "Andy's always raised a ton of eyebrows...but usually only when he wakes up in the morning." According to a family friend. "Lately, however, he's been slipping." Rooney started out with the already well-known comments that were carried over the air, saying that God told him Mel Gibson and Pat Robertson are "wackos", but the rest of the truth has been kept from the general public. After the initial comments, CBS execs, nervous about where Rooney was heading, along with a new $500,000 fine to be levied against any over the air entity for each obcene comment, decided to end Rooney's segment without telling the commentator. What follows are some of the other controversial statements made by Rooney in Sunday night's telecast that, thankfully for CBS, never made it on the air: "I schtupped Ed Bradley's wife last night. Don't tell anybody." "You know that stopwatch they always show between segments? The one that's always going 'tick tick tick tick'? I hear that in my head constantly--and I mean all the time. I killed a hitchhiker once because of that sound. It still didn't make it go away. Tick tick tick tick..." "Don't you ever wish you could mate with another species of animal and have offspring? I bet some of the babies would be really interesting looking. I'd like to do it with a gazelle, but they can run about 70 miles per hour. Talk about playing hard to get. The last time I was on the Serengeti, I had trouble catching one on foot, so I got in my car and chased it down. It was scared at first. They sure do kick a lot. Why is that?"