Speaking of the French, this is hilarious:
Masculine ideal loses rough edges
Kevin Horrigan - St Louis Post-Dispatch
Thursday, June 16, 2005
One fine afternoon last week, I was surfing my way through Web news sites, feeling all macho and virile as usual, when I came upon this item from Agence France-Presse, which, thanks to my deep appreciation for all things French, I know is French for French Press Agency: "Macho man is an endangered species, with today's male more likely to opt for a pink flowered shirt and swingers' clubs than the traditional role as family superhero, fashion industry insiders say."
I said, "Huh?" and read on.
"The masculine ideal is being completely modified. All the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength are being completely overturned," the article said, quoting someone named Pierre Francois Le Louet, managing director of something called "Nelly Rodi," which was described as a French marketing and style consulting firm.
This was news to me, inasmuch as I have spent the better part of the past 30 years trying, without much success, to convince my family that I embody all the traditional male values of authority, infallibility, virility and strength.
Now here we are nearing Father's Day, and all my efforts to convince my children that I am a model of male authority, infallibility, virility and strength appear to have gone down what the French call le Tube. Today's males, the article said, are turning more toward "creativity, sensitivity and multiplicity." OK, I can do creative and sensitive, but "multiplicity" seems to mean multiple sexual partners.
"We are watching the birth of a hybrid man," Monsieur Le Louet said. "Why not put on a pink-flowered shirt and try out a partner-swapping club?"
Why not? Well, because if I put on a pink-flowered shirt, someone would mistake me for a very large azalea bush, and partner swapping is something that my wife, despite all my male authority, infallibility, virility and strength, is not real likely to sign off on.
I must say, I haven't met many "hybrid men," although the article assured me that "the new species is emerging, apparently unafraid of anything," in both the United States and Europe. The "hybrid man" is looking for a "more radical affirmation of who he is and wants to test out all the barbarity of modern life," including the sexual domain, Le Louet claims.
Maybe it's me, but I'm thinking if hybrid man wants to test out the barbarity of modern life, he'd be better off joining the Marines than putting on a pink-flowered shirt. Come to think of it, if he wants a really quick test of barbarity, he can join the Marines and then put on a pink-flowered shirt.
The photograph that accompanied the article featured a hybrid man wearing something that the fashion industry deems suitable for the new male beast. The guy looked a little like Ronald McDonald.
Weirdly, I read that same day that McDonald's had given a makeover to its corporate clown mascot. Ronald has traded in his baggy clown suit for a more streamlined outfit and become something of a jock, thus demonstrating to children the benefits of eating fruits and vegetables.
I can only surmise that in the future, men will dress like clowns and demonstrate their creativity, sensitivity and multiplicity by juggling fruit. Women will find this incredibly sexy and bear a generation of young children who are even more embarrassed by their dad than mine are.
Of course, what works in France (Jerry Lewis, 30-hour work weeks, underarm hair on women) doesn't always translate to the United States.
Still, it doesn't pay to take chances. If you see a very large azalea bush juggling fruit, it'll be me.
> Kevin Horrigan is a St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist. His column appears occasionally.
ajc.com
;-) |
