To: stockman_scott who wrote (169875 ) 8/25/2005 10:52:25 PM From: sylvester80 Read Replies (1) | Respond to of 281500 RED AND BLUE STATES Dear Red States, We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. To sum up briefly: We get Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Illinois, Michigan, California, and all the Northeast. You get Texas, Oklahoma, and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. You get Nascar and Tornado Alley. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get Worldcom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalitions, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that we will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they are willing to send to their deaths for no apparent purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope the WMDs turn up real soon. With the Blue States in hand, we have control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, 92 percent of the fresh fruit, 95 per cent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at your state dinners), 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low sulfur coal, and all living Redwoods, sequoias, condors, and all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech, and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, 90 percent of hurricanes, 99 percent of Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Yosemite and Hollywood, thank-you. Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11, and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties. By the way we're taking the good pot. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.