To: tejek who wrote (265241 ) 12/20/2005 11:22:09 AM From: longnshort Read Replies (3) | Respond to of 1578288 Fifteen Things You Have to Believe in Order to Be a Liberal Democrat 1) You must believe that Al Queda existed everywhere in the Middle East---if not in the entire world---except in Iraq. 2) You must believe that a self-described enemy of America, Saddam Hussein, who openly paid bounties to the families of suicide bombers, praised the events of September 11th, plotted an attempted assassination of a former president, gave safe haven to such notorious Islamo-fascist terrorists as Abu Nidal and Abu Abbas, and maintained a terrorist training camp 20 miles outside of Baghdad at Salman Pak had nothing to do with the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001. 3) You must believe that all war is wrong because it kills people, that executing convicted murderers is cruel and unusual punishment, and that the treatment of terrorist suspects at the Guantanamo Bay Prison Camp is an unconscionable abridgement of human rights, but that it is perfectly all right to hire an abortion doctor to use a vacuum pump to physically dismember your own child in the womb or to chemically burn it to death with saline solution or to drill a hole into its skull at birth as long as its feet remain inside the mother's body so that you can call it a "fetus" instead of a human being. 4) You must perversely believe that the very fact that you insist upon the continuation of the abortion methods listed above somehow gives you the moral high ground in America, as if exercising the "right to choose" to kill your own children is somehow an enobling experience that elevates you above those who disagree with you. 5) You must believe that a collection of political regimes consisting primarily of Third World dictatorships and European Welfare States known as the United Nations has a moral authority greater than that of the United States in spite of the fact that in times of crisis---such as the Serbian slaughter of Muslims in Kosovo a few years ago---the United Nations characteristically does absolutely nothing until the United States rolls up its sleeves and deals with the problem. 6) You must believe that France belongs on a list of "long-time allies" of America and actually be able to say that out loud without blowing beer through your nose while laughing. 7) You must believe that after September 11th and the successful campaign in Afghanistan when George W. Bush enjoyed overwhelming support in opinion polls all across America that he decided to launch a totally unnecessary war in Iraq and jeopardize that popularity and his chance for re-election just so that the Halliburton Corporation could steal Iraqi oil. 8) You must believe that the Haliburton Corporation is actually taking oil out of Iraq when, in fact, neither Halliburton nor any other American oil company has yet taken a drop. 9) You must believe that John F. (for Frenchy?) Kerry was a war hero based upon his total of four months and three superficial wounds in Vietnam more than thirty years ago and that this somehow qualifies him to be president of the United States. 10) You must believe that John Kerry is a charismatic leader even after you've heard John Kerry speak in public. 11) You must believe that a sleazy self-promoting blowhard like Al Sharpton deserved a chance to address the entire nation at the Democratic National Convention, as if he actually had something to say that was worth listening to. 12) You must believe that George W. Bush was somehow to blame for "not preventing the events of September 11th" even though you would criticize every conceivable rational means that he might have taken for preventing such an event, which would include A) racial profiling of Arabs and Muslims (since only Arabs and Muslims hi-jack commercial aircraft, this would be a logical policy), B) passing something like the Patriot Act in order to allow for better communication between the CIA and the FBI (Democrats, who previously had banned such communication between these agencies, absolutely detest the Patriot Act because Michael Moore has told them the FBI will now be raiding public libraries), and C) rounding up suspicious characters like the nineteen hi-jackers of September 11th and deporting them from our shores before they could strike (an action that would evoke outcries of racism, bias and the abridgement of civil rights from the ACLU and liberals everywhere). 13) You must believe that drawing radical Islamic terrorists into Iraq to fight our soldiers and Marines is somehow a bad idea and that it would be better if they came to America and attacked civilians instead. 14) You must believe that "dispersing Al Queda has made them more dangerous," which follows the logic, I must assume, that during World War II dispersing the German Army somehow made the Nazis more dangerous. Furthermore, the fact that there are still Nazis in the world must mean that America "lost" WWII. 15) You must believe that somehow George W. Bush was involved in a nefarious plot with the Saudi Royal Family and the bin Laden clan to allow the Sept. 11th attacks to occur in order to have an excuse to steal Iraqi oil, yet have no explanation as to why, if this was so, the terrorists who are supposedly controlled by the Saudi Royals and the bin Ladens are still attacking the Army sent by George W. Bush. So there you have fifteen things that you must paradoxically believe in order to be a liberal Democrat. I could find a few more but I think this is enough to make my point. If you value your freedom, please pass this list on to at least ten other people. If you don't, then one of two terrible things will happen within thirty days: either a plague of locusts will descend upon you or Michael Moore will move into your neighborhood. You decide which is worse.