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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: jim-thompson who wrote (722671)	1/23/2006 10:07:59 AM
From: average joe	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 769667

Paul Martin to Ban Americans from Canada OTTAWA (SBP) -- In a crusade to appear tougher on crime, Liberal leader Paul Martin has announced that, should the Liberals win the election, his promise to ban handguns will also be extended to ban every American citizen from Canada. The announcement is expected to give Martin a huge jump in popularity in southern Ontario just hours before the final vote. "The fact of the matter is, it has been proven time and time again that the only people on earth who commit crimes are the Americans," said Martin before a packed house in downtown Toronto, "And, we, the Liberals, plan on stopping the Americans from crossing the border ever again so that they will NOT systematically destroy our friendly and accepting nation. "Say it with me now: the Americans are to blame for all the crime in Canada and we will put a stop to that right here and right now. The fact of the Matter is, the Liberal Party will make this nation safe again!" The announcement concludes a volatile campaign for the Liberals but also keeps the Liberal Party's anti-American sentiment intact. "The fact of the matter is, Canadians cannot be continuously victimized by those savages south of the border," continued Martin, "The fact of the matter is, as my first act as Prime Minister, after abolishing the notwithstanding clause, banning handguns, weeding out all the corruption and terrorism in my party, and paying back all the taxpayer money we stole, my very next act will be to ban citizens of the United States from Canada." Added Martin: "Out, out, you damned dirty Americans!" The Leader of the New Democratic Party, Jack Layton, was quick to grudgingly agree with Martin. "As much as Mr. Martin and I have disagreed on many things -- well, except for that time we whored ourselves out and propped up his government during a vote of non confidence -- Mr. Martin has made some sense on this anti-American issue." said the NDP leader while he was in Saskatchewan grovelling for suppot from one of the few places of influence the party has, "Even though the Americans are our largest trading partner and are basically the only thing between us and total invasion from an aggressive nation, I would like to say that I agree with Mr. Martin that only the Americans are capable of crime and should be banned from our peace loving nation." The reaction in Toronto was also warm to Martin's plan. "I've always said that guns don't kill people; Americans kill people!" said Toronto accountant Milford Pennyton as he gently sipped his latte at a local Starbucks, "This is a great plan to keep violent Americans out of our American wannabe city. I'm definately too scared to vote for anyone else but the Liberals now!" The Liberal fear campaign that has included many references to Americans and stereotypical "scary" American values is expected to create a strong bond between the two countries once the Liberals come into power. Said US President George W. Bush of the anti-American attack ads, "Wow, they sure told us a thing or two! You know, this whole thing about us Americans being evil has made us take a long look in the mirror. And, thankfully, with the Liberals coming to us, slapping us in the face and then spitting on us? Well, let me tell you that such insults on our integrity will make our whole nation look inward and want to be friends with our neighbors to the north even more than ever before. "God bless you, Canada, and your hatred for us. Your rejection of us will only serve to make our friendship stronger." saskabush.com