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Politics : PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: sandintoes who wrote (727963)	2/24/2006 11:34:23 PM
From: Gut Trader	Read Replies (3) \| Respond to of 769670

HAMAS SIGNS CONTRACT TO RUN AMTRAK In a continuing effort to prove that Americans are not anti-Arab Islamaphobes, the government has announced that day to day operations of the passenger rail carrier Amtrak will now be in the hands of a state owned company run by the Palestinian group Hamas. The deal comes on the heels of an agreement to allow the state owned Dubai Ports World(DPW) to manage ports in the United States. It is believed that the Hamas-Amtrak deal – worth an estimated $2 billion – will be bankrolled by a consortium of European governments, Russian mobsters, and members of the Saudi Arabian royal family who, it is rumored, joined in on the deal because they were denied toy train sets when they were children. One unidentified Saudi member of the takeover group speaking on the condition of anonymity said that he couldn’t wait to get in the engineer’s car and “sound the horn of the choo-choo” as the train speeds through the towns and villages of the Midwest. “This is a dream come true for me and my 41 cousins,” he said. “Do you think I can wear one of those funny little hats while blowing the horn?” The Department of Transportation dismissed security concerns raised by the deal by saying that DPW, owned by Dubai’s leader Sheik Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum, has an excellent security record at other ports around the world. A spokesman pointed out that if the government could give such a lucrative and sensitive ports contract to a company whose owner went hunting with Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban’s Mullah Omar, then there was no reason to deny the Amtrak contract to the “alleged terrorists” of Hamas. “We believe Hamas when they say that they can make the trains run on time,” said a DoT spokesman. “We are informed that they plan to use the Italian management system that proved so successful under Benito Mussolini,” he added. “And as for security, whose gonna mess with those guys?” Mussolini, an Italian dictator from 1922-1945 was famous for keeping a tight schedule on Italy’s rail system as well as shooting people who disagreed with him. It is unclear which aspect of the dictator’s rule Hamas is more enamored. Hamas has already announced several changes, some of which may prove controversial. There are plans to offer discount rates to people wearing suicide vests who promise not to set them off until after disembarking. And a spokesman for Hamas seemed surprised when informed that the company would have to follow US laws regarding equal accommodations. “No cattle cars for the…um special passengers?” he asked rather plaintively? Passengers at the Glenview, Illinois Amtrak station seemed unconcerned. “Anything would be an improvement over the (expletive deleted) mess they have now,” said Walter Raymonds of suburban Mount Prospect. “Maybe they’ll bring back the smoking cars.” Mary Lewis of Glenview was taking a wait and see attitude. “I’d like to see Amtrak run more professionally, of course,” she said. “But I’d like to wait and see how they redecorate the bathrooms before making any final judgments.” rightwingnuthouse.com