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Politics : Just the Facts, Ma'am: A Compendium of Liberal Fiction -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Peter Dierks who wrote (49602)	7/26/2006 6:46:15 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 90947

>France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these >drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been >governed by prostitutes." ---Mark Twain > I must say that my impression is that France is hardly alone in this distinction. :-) > >"I would rather have a German division in front of me than >a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton > Good old George! He knew how to cut right to the heart of a matter- -particularly if it was an enemy division! > >"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting >without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf > Ditto for Norman. > >"We can stand here like the French, or we can do >something about it." ---- Marge Simpson > Marge seems pretty perceptive too. > >"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" > ---Jacques Chirac, President of France > >"As far as France is concerned, you're right." > ---Rush Limbaugh, > Say all you want about Rush and Vicodin, he understood the French! > >"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is >sitting in Paris sipping coffee." > --- Regis Philbin > Regis too. > >"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any >better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit >outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more >stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey >I don't know." --- P.J O'Rourke (1989) > Always did like P.J.! > >"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the >1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have >the face for it." > ---John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona > Well, he's a lot smarter than Dem candidates for President- -he understands the French. > >"I don't know why people were surprised that France wouldn't help us >get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the >Germans out of France!" > ---Jay Leno > The French make a great noise about the "French Resistance" in WW2. That was 1/2 % of the population. The other 99 1/2 % were busily collaborating with the Germans. At the end of the war, they punished those who had actually slept with thew Germans for doing what they wished they could have. > >"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into >Paris under a German flag." > --David Letterman > LOL!!! How true. And what was really amazing was that the French were SURPRISED! > >How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? >One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him. > Unfortunately, the French seem to have infected the Germans with this attitude. This has led the British, who have more sense than to trust a Frenchmen, to stay fairly clear of the EU. > >Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France. Hmmm. This rule may explain why there have been no Europeon wars since 1945.

To: Peter Dierks who wrote (49602)	7/26/2006 6:58:42 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 90947

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" - Hannibal Lecter. ====================================================== "In California, a speech teacher is in a lot of trouble for encouraging her students to oppose the war with Iraq. The principal was furious and said telling kids to oppose the war is the French teacher's job." --Conan O'Brien ====================================================== WHAT WOULD YOU DO? You are the President of the United States. Scientists have discovered a meteor that is headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in 2 days, at approximately 2:30 A.M. The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever. France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Among the ships and planes you could be sending are many that are being used to fight the war on terror overseas. As President, you must decide: Do you: - A) Stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live? or do you: - B) Tape it and watch it in the morning ====================================================== The French retaliate In retaliation against the US House of Representatives changing the names of French fries and French toast to Freedom fries and Freedom toast in their cafeteria, the French government has announced that they will NOT change the name of American cheese. ====================================================== A group of British paratroopers were firing their weapons for practice near the Kuwait/Iraq border. A group of Iraqi soliders, fearing the war had started, crossed the border and promptly surrendered to the paratroopers. My immediate thought was, "Finally, French culture has spread to the Middle East." ====================================================== Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon? A: "The Axis of Weasels." ====================================================== An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish" says the genie. The Welshman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Wales." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in Wales was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country. Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye,'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water." ====================================================== Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama? A. So the French can show them how to surrender. ====================================================== What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A salesman ====================================================== If there's anyone around here not banned from Baker's French thread, will you kindly post htese and jokes? On the back of a public restroom door in Texas, USA. "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth to another Frenchman.

To: Peter Dierks who wrote (49602)	7/26/2006 7:00:58 PM
From: Lazarus_Long	Respond to of 90947

"I just love the French. They taste like chicken!" - Hannibal Lecter. ====================================================== In 1966 upon being told that Charles DeGaulle had taken France out of NATO and that all U.S. Troops must be evacuated off of French soil President Lyndon Johnson told Secretary of State Dean Rusk: Ask him about the cemeteries Dean! So at end of the meeting Dean did ask DeGaulle if his order to remove all U.S. troops from French soil also included the 60,000+ soldiers buried in France from World War I and World War II. DeGaulle never answered. ========================================================= "In California, a speech teacher is in a lot of trouble for encouraging her students to oppose the war with Iraq. The principal was furious and said telling kids to oppose the war is the French teacher's job." --Conan O'Brien ====================================================== WHAT WOULD YOU DO? You are the President of the United States. Scientists have discovered a meteor that is headed towards the earth. They have calculated that it will strike France in 2 days, at approximately 2:30 A.M. The meteor is large enough to completely wipe France from the face of the earth forever. France and the United Nations have requested that the United States send all available ships and aircraft to help evacuate the country. Among the ships and planes you could be sending are many that are being used to fight the war on terror overseas. As President, you must decide: Do you: - A) Stay up late on the night of the impact to watch the coverage live? or do you: - B) Tape it and watch it in the morning ====================================================== The French retaliate In retaliation against the US House of Representatives changing the names of French fries and French toast to Freedom fries and Freedom toast in their cafeteria, the French government has announced that they will NOT change the name of American cheese. ====================================================== A group of British paratroopers were firing their weapons for practice near the Kuwait/Iraq border. A group of Iraqi soliders, fearing the war had started, crossed the border and promptly surrendered to the paratroopers. My immediate thought was, "Finally, French culture has spread to the Middle East." ====================================================== Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon? A: "The Axis of Weasels." ====================================================== An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman Three guys, an Englishman, a Frenchman and a Welshman are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish" says the genie. The Welshman says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Wales." With a blink of the genie's eye, 'FOOM' - the land in Wales was forever made fertile for farming. The Frenchman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around France, so that no one can come into our precious country. Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye,'POOF' - there was a huge wall around France. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall. The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water." ====================================================== Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama? A. So the French can show them how to surrender. ====================================================== What do you call a Frenchman advancing on Baghdad? A salesman ====================================================== On the back of a public restroom door in Texas, USA. "Here I sit with my buns a'clenchin, giving birth to another Frenchman. ==================================================== If there's anyone around here not banned from Baker's French thread, will you kindly post these and Peter's jokes?