The Engineer's Song
Words copyright © 2001 by Blake Hodgetts
Music adapted by Blake Hodgetts from "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Weapons, Sensors, Shields, Deflector, Manifolds or Engines.
Ev'ry Starfleet engineer knows there's no better way to clear
a stubborn captain off your rear and dissipate the tensions.
Memorize these permutations, correlate the situations,
you'll be ready for each snag and all of its extensions;
just Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Weapons, Sensors, Shields, Deflector, Manifolds or Engines!
(um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-aye,
um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-aye)
I well recall a certain trip to destinations nondescript when
suddenly the ship was gripped by forces unexplained.
With systems failing left and right, a long day's journey into night,
we wondered who turned off the light, all power had been drained.
Our foes were undetectable; the captain was respectable,
but figured, "What the heck!", to bully engineers she'd try:
No sooner was the order passed then Engineering moved _en masse_
to implement procedures as we now exemplify:
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Sensors, Weapons, Shields, Deflector, Engines or the Manifolds,
Engineers must find a way to let the captain have her say,
then systematic'ly delay for just a moment, an' if old S-
patial theories are correct the universe self-intersects
in shapes more complicated than the napkins cousin Annie folds;
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the sensors, weapons, shields, deflector, engines or the manifolds!
(um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-aye,
um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-aye)
The Academy at Starfleet sets high standards for its young cadets
and never accident'lly lets poor scholars through its net.
Exams down there are mighty tough: to prove that you are good enough,
you've got to show you know your stuff: they'll really make you sweat.
But if you are an engineer, you'll find yourself in heaven here,
and learn that you can be superior even to the Q,
For you'll find with a PADD and pen you'd rather solve a problem than
Go changing physics' constants when you don't know what to do!
just Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Engines, Weapons, Manifolds, Shields, Sensors, or Deflector.
Tachyons may fluctuate your plasma tube's retention state,
the verterons you allocate may compromise your vector.
Watch for those anomalies, they're not just grandma's homilies:
you may wind up as gamma rays dispersed across the sector:
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Engines, Weapons, Manifolds, Shields, Sensors, or Deflector!
(um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-aye,
um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-diddle-diddle, um-diddle-aye)
And then there was the time we ventured somewhere we were never sent --
I can't remember why we went, there must have been some reason.
The atmosphere was much too hot, it made the outer plating rot --
That might be it, or maybe not -- it was some other season.
Well, anyway, our ship was sunk, or swiftly turning into junk,
at least, so everybody thunk, until (as you'll have guessed)
Our engineer declared in rhyme "Although the coolant temp will climb,
I'll fix it in the nick of time!" ...and that's why he's the best!
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Shields, Deflector, Sensors, Engines, Manifolds or Weapons.
Ev'ry day there's something new; it's not a job for someone who
can't settle on a type of shoe -- with laces versus step-ins.
Make decisions on the fly, but keep those ETAs up high,
And let them know they can rely on you, whatever heppons,
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Shields, Deflector, Sensors, Engines, Manifolds or Weapons
[spoken:]
"I canna give her any more, Captain...she's gonna blow!"
"Well, I'll try reconfigurin' the core manifold, but I canna' guarantee what'll happen!"
"It'll take twenty minutes to...Aye, sir, then, ten it is."
"There, now, that's the way it's done. Purrin' like a kitten."
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
Deflectors, Weapons, Sensors, Engines, Manifolds, or Shields.
If they do not lionize you for the gas you ionize,
just skip a shift to try an' isolate electron fields.
When the life-support goes sour after the eleventh hour
Then they'll realize the power Engineering wields!
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
Deflectors, Weapons, Sensors, Engines, Manifolds, or Shields!
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Engines, Weapons, Manifolds, Deflector, Shields or Sensors.
Futurist technology requires no apology;
Just know the etiology and calculate the tensors.
If you think it sounds like fluff, remember any science buff
in eighteen-ninety-three would bluff with cathodes and condensers.
Reconfigure, Realign, Recalibrate, Remodulate
the Weapons, Engines, Manifolds, Deflector, Shields or Sensors! |
