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Politics : Just the Facts, Ma'am: A Compendium of Liberal Fiction -- Ignore unavailable to you. Want to Upgrade?

To: Bill who wrote (51117)	9/13/2006 2:57:19 PM
From: Solon	Read Replies (1) \| Respond to of 90947

Welcome to CELEBRITY BAKE-OFF! My name is Kernel Bowzer and I will be your CELEBRITY BAKER for today. I will be preparing my specialty which is known as DOUGH CAKE. So without any further ado…we are going to get started now. OK? Good. First, assemble all the following ingredients: Brown sugar, butter, pineapple, flour, oil, salt, chocolate, and eggs. Now set aside the salt or just throw it over your shoulder. We don’t want our cake to taste salty, do we? Now with regard to the sugar; do you notice how sweet it is? What will that do to our cake? Good! You are following! WE don’t want our cake ruined. Segregate the sugar to a far corner of your nook. Now we come to the eggs. These must also be careful segregated. These are farm fresh eggs and the yolks on them. Do we need cholesterol in our cake? Noooooooo. <g> We do not. TOSS. If you don’t already have waste baskets in separate corners of your kitchen, please consider doing so. I have waste baskets all over and I carefully monitor them. That brings us to the butter. Do we want our special cake to be slippery? I don’t think so. Put the butter with the pineapple. OK. Now carefully segregate the chocolate. We want our dough to be very white and for that we need only the purest ingredients.. You should be left with only white flour which has all the impurities removed. It should appear drab, uninteresting, empty, dreary, noisome and unwholesome. GOOD! Now in order to make that into a batter we will need to get it wet. We don’t want to use water for this as we wish to lend an acidic cast to our dough. I use a very UNKOWN ingredient known as chicken bile. It is unknown how this actually works and the actual nutritional values are unknown; but you should soon be looking at a solid lump of acidic dough. This is where the artistry of cooking must now come into play. WE must make a hole exactly through the center of this dough. Be careful in this or you could end up with an upside down cake--which is another recipe entirely. I use my head to make this hole. If your head is sufficiently small you may do the same. Just a little Kernel Bowzer kitchen secret! OK. How does it look? Segregate the dough now to one of your waste baskets, and just keep the hole. This is the secret to a really fine cake. Roll this hole until you have two identical holes and then pull them carefully into identical threads. YUMMY! Isn’t that just beautiful! Every time I bake this cake I am astounded by my own brilliance! Thanks for coming down. I am the Brilliant Boy Baker Blazing Batter Before Buddha’s Bier. The Buddha's opinions were just plain unsavory! Good cooking, and remember: LOOK AFTER THAT WASTE! Ta da!