Women veterans cope with emotional wounds
POSTED: 1:53 p.m. EST, December 3, 2006
CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- The nightmares didn't start until months after Alicia Flores returned home. The images were stark and disturbing: In one dream, a dying Iraqi man desperately grabbed her arm. In another, she was lost in a blinding sandstorm.
Sometimes, Flores awakened to discover her mouth was dust-dry -- as if she were really stumbling through the scorching, 120-degree desert.
The nightmares bring Flores back to Iraq, and her service in the Army's 92nd Chemical Company. She was just 19 when her unit arrived there. Now 23, she's left with memories of women and children being killed, of hauling bodies, of shooting a teenage Iraqi fighter. "It was him or me," she says.
"I'm fine with what I did over there ...," Flores says. "In my eyes, I did a good thing. It really doesn't bother me. The only thing that bothers me is I just want to sleep more."
Flores is one of a new generation of women who have returned from war to cope with emotional stress or physical wounds that linger long after the sounds of mortar and gunfire have faded.
Studies of Vietnam and Gulf War veterans have documented post-traumatic stress in females -- with higher rates than men, in some cases.
But the war in Iraq and Afghanistan has seen a far larger deployment of women -- more than 155,000 -- with far more females exposed to ambushes, roadside bombs, rocket-propelled grenades and other deadly hazards. And they have been left with an increased risk of combat-like stress.
Flores says she's not alarmed by her diagnosis of post-traumatic stress; she's getting help for her sleeping problems. It wasn't the war, but the adjustment to the civilian world that she found difficult.
"It was OK -- now what?" she says. "You have nobody to talk to. Your family can't relate to what you and your soldiers had and it's just really hard. ... I felt lost. ... I didn't know what to do with my time."
That anxiety -- along with depression, irritability and feelings of isolation -- also are common symptoms for men with post-traumatic stress, but some mental health experts believe there are distinct pressures for women veterans.
Some come from military service itself -- where some women feel they need to prove themselves -- while others come from the transition from vigilant soldier to caring wife or mother.
VA studies mental state of returning veterans
Though it's too soon to gauge the toll on women veterans, some early studies have offered a few clues.
For example, the VA reports that slightly more than a third of 23,635 women veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan evaluated from 2002 to last August had a preliminary diagnosis of a mental disorder.
Those numbers provide just a partial glimpse into the problem: Many women veterans, like men, don't go to VA hospitals or prefer to seek private help.
A second study released early this year also found that of more than 220,000 Iraq veterans, 23.6 percent of women had a mental health concern -- compared with 18.6 percent for men (an insignificant difference, according to Col. Dr. Charles Hoge, one of the study's authors).
'Military sexual trauma' adds to stress for many women
Mental health experts say one of the biggest contributors to psychological problems for women in uniform is military sexual trauma -- a term that covers verbal harassment and physical assault, which is a strong risk factor for PTSD.
Studies conducted by the VA health system vary, but generally about 20 percent of women report a physical assault during their service, Westrup says. "Unfortunately, a huge aspect of that experience is guilt and self-blame and shame on top of stress," she adds.
Last year, the Pentagon announced a new policy of confidentiality, so sexual assault victims can report the incident and get help but law enforcement and senior commanders are not immediately notified.
Compounding the emotional turmoil for women are wounds and ailments that range from life-changing -- the loss of limbs and brain injuries -- to temporary, such as infections and rashes.
Civilians 'worry about what Paris Hilton is wearing'
Aneta Urban had a bad back after two tours in Iraq, one in a Marine military police company. She says she hauled as much as 70 pounds of gear.
But the impact on her psyche was greater. When Urban, now 31, returned from active duty to suburban Chicago last year, she didn't want to socialize with friends, regarding it as a waste of time and money.
"I'd think, 'There are troops in Iraq and they're giving up so much and people are partying and not even thinking about that,' " she says. "I still feel like that sometimes. ... They worry about what Paris Hilton is wearing. But every day, people are dying, young troops."
Then there were those who annoyed her by asking if she'd killed anyone. "Why would you want to know that? It's such a personal question," she says. "I believe in God and whatever I did in Iraq, I will answer for later."
She was frustrated, too, that no one was rushing to hire her.
"People would say, 'Oh, you're a veteran, you've done two tours, you're golden. Everybody will want you.' " It didn't happen. "That," she says, "added to my depression."
The death of a beloved cousin sent her into a tailspin; one day she found it difficult to breathe, and she checked herself into a hospital for exhaustion and stress.
Staying busy cuts down on 'thinking about things'
More than a year later, Urban says she's much better. She's in college, studying for a master's degree in accounting, working as a detention officer at a police department and thinking about an FBI career.
"When you're busy," she says, "you don't have a lot of time to sit around and think about things."
Urban's bumpy road back isn't unusual.
Some women veterans -- including those without psychological problems -- say it takes time to decompress and switch gears from hard-nosed soldier to nurturing mother.
Darcie Greuel, a VA nurse in Milwaukee, spent nearly a year at the 452nd Combat Support Hospital in Afghanistan, then rejoined her husband and their three children.
"I was trying to get back into being a wife and a mother," she says. "But it was 'Wow, they survived without me.' ... I really didn't know where my place was."
Colleagues don't understand war stories
Greuel, now 40, also had to settle back into her job. She returned to nursing but missed the adrenaline rush. She became irritated when colleagues griped about being overworked and sensed that people no longer wanted to listen to -- or would understand -- her war stories.
Greuel now gets together with military friends a few times a year, and has decided to return to college to complete her bachelor's degree in nursing.
Greuel found her way back into her family and work life without professional help.
But mental health experts say women veterans who do need counseling tend to respond well to treatment -- perhaps even better than men -- because they're more open about their emotions.
The problem is many women -- just like men -- are reluctant to take that first step.
Putting families' needs above their own
Some are so determined to re-establish that bond with their children that they'll ignore their own problems, says Katherine Dong, women veterans program manager at the North Chicago VA Medical Center.
"They want to make it up to their family for being gone, yet they have all these symptoms and all these thoughts that are still haunting them," she says. "Women tend to put their families' needs above their own. They're trying to push their bad stuff aside and focus on their families and unfortunately, it's not always successful."
Alicia Flores, meanwhile, is thinking of leaving her home in Chicago, where she has been working as dental assistant and living with her mother, biding her time in the two years since she left the Army but failed to leave Iraq behind.
She has joined the Army Reserve and may return to the war zone.
"I feel restless, just not secure," she says, "like I'm waiting for something." |
